Love is a beautiful thing, but when one loves and the other does not, for the partner still in love this will be a painful experience.
This article will tell you how to end a relationship.
Make sure you want to end the relationship. Don't use the threat of leaving as a tool to get your own way in an argument. If you say it, be prepared to back it up with the action, or else take the threat off the table before you make it. Discuss problems openly and directly with your partner before you make up your mind. Many men and women suffer for years and never bring problems up with their partners, which is what leads to many breakups.
If you really want to end the relationship, then you should make a list of all the reasons you're unhappy in the relationship -- and all the reasons those things can't be fixed.
2
Make your decision with a clear head. Don't decide to break up with your partner in the heat of the moment, when you're feeling unstable, or after you've had a bad week and are blaming your relationship for all of your problems. Before you make this important decision, take the time to get input from trusted friends and parents, people who may have helpful insight into your relationship issues.
Once you've decided to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don't go around telling your close friends, or anyone at all, or it may get back to that person. It's okay to come to a close friend or family member for advice, but once you've made your decision, the mature thing to do is to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend next.
3
Choose your time and place wisely. Choose a time and place that will allow for both you and the person that you're about to dump some privacy. Don't break up with someone right before they have a big test or are about to go to work. Fridays are a suitable choice if it gives your soon-to-be-ex the weekend to recover somewhat.
Don't break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend in your favorite restaurant, bar, or your favorite spot in a park. Pick a neutral location that has no special meaning for either of you.
Pick a time when you know you'll be in a relatively calm emotional state. Don't break up with your partner after you know you'll be staying late for a stressful meeting at work.
4
Make sure to end the relationship in person (under most circumstances). To give your significant other the respect that he or she deserves, you should end the relationship in person, no matter how much you're dreading it.
The only time it's acceptable to end the relationship over the phone is if you're in a long-distance relationship and know you won't see each other for a while, or if you're in a controlling or manipulative relationship. If your ex is prone to outbursts, violence, or manipulative behaviors, it is much safer for you to end the relationship at a distance.
5
Be firm about breaking up. Be firm in what you say––being wishy-washy in the vain hope that you'll let the other person down "easy" will only cause more hurt in the end. A break-up does not need to be a dramatic, escalating event. Get to the point and say that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, that it isn't working for you. Doing otherwise leads the door open for argument.
Avoid any comment that gives the impression that this is a trial separation and that you might resume things after a break.
You may think that it'll ease the pain to tell your partner "I'm not ready for this right now" or "Maybe this can work down the road..." but if you don't really mean it, then that will only be adding to your partner's pain.
6
Be honest but not cruel. You don't want your partner to walk away feeling unsure about why the relationship was over, but you don't want him or her walking away knowing the top 20 things you don't like about him or her, either. Just be honest about why the relationship needs to end, whether it's because you're feeling suffocated, manipulated, or disrespected. Don't waste time beating around the bush.
The hardest reason for a breakup is if you're just not in love anymore, because it's not that person's fault. In that case, you should still be honest, but say it as gently as you can.
Once you've given your main reason, you don't have to go into all the details and rehash old arguments, unless the person is genuinely confused. There's no reason to bring up past problems and add insult to injury.
Don't put the person down and make him feel insecure and worthless. Don't say, "I just want to be with a real man" -- instead, say, "I think you still have to work on developing your confidence."
Whatever the reason is, it shouldn't be a complete surprise to the person. If you kept up open lines of communication, then it won't be coming out of no where.
Avoid making a long list of reasons as to why you're dumping him or her. Boil down your well-thought through reason to the essential problem: "We are not compatible enough in key areas," "I don't feel supported by you in my career path, and I don't want to change my path," "I want children and you don't," or other similar and specific details.
7
Be prepared for a bad reaction. The person who is getting dumped will typically react with anger or with wonder, shock, or panic. If he responds with anger, try to remain calm and attempt to calm him down. Keep your voice at ease, even if he begins to yell. If it gets too out of control, just leave and let him cool down––but be sure you assure him that you will be willing to come back later, when he is calmer. Don't just say, "Oh forget it, I'm outta here."
Comfort him if he needs it, but don't take this too far. Voice your opinions if things are getting too uncomfortable or inappropriate. You don't want to be drawn down the same path that led you to this moment. Be compassionate, but be firm and cut the contact short if it seems to be escalating.
If you're worried about leaving your ex alone, call a friend of his and explain what happened, where he is, and what you're concerned about, and what you want the friend to do. Apologize for the pain the situation has caused and thank this friend for helping and leave it at that.
If your ex is furious to the point that nothing will get through to him just then, say, "It's not productive to just yell at one another. I've made my decision, and I won't change my mind, but I will talk with you if you can remain calmer. Take some time to settle down, and then call me - we can talk again then." If your ex does call, keep your word. Pick up the call. If there are questions, be honest and kind with your answers, but keep the conversation short and civil so you don't prolong the pain.
8
Establish concrete boundaries for your future interaction. Once you have begun the process, be polite but firm about these boundaries, and make it clear that they are non-negotiable. It is permissible to cut him or her off without a chance to discuss what went wrong. Try to make the failed relationship as valuable as possible by turning it into a chance to learn and grow and as to what type of people to avoid.
If you have mutual friends and want to avoid each other for a while, make a "joint custody" plan to see your friends without running in to each other.
If you both have a favorite coffee shop or go to the same gym every time, try to set a schedule that helps you avoid each other. You don't have to be too rigid or organized about this, but it can help you avoid the pain of running into each other.
If you have each other's things or even live together, make a plan for sorting out your belongings as soon as possible so you don't have to keep seeing each other.
9
Know when to walk away. One of the biggest mistakes made in ending a relationship is allowing the final death throes to go on and on. And on. And on. And on. It's one thing to finalize shared expenses, disentangle community property, etc. It's another thing to beat a dead horse endlessly.
When discussions become circular––in other words, you just travel around and around the same points without coming to a point of resolution––stop. That's the moment to say, "I think we should continue this later, or not," and leave.
If the person doesn't understand why you're breaking up with them, you can try to make things clearer in a letter or message. Say what you need to say, let the other person explain him or herself in a message so they feel that they've been listened to, and leave it at that. It can be easier to disentangle when you're doing it while apart.
cc0
