He was right. Humility before the Will of the Future always helped me, until the realities of death controlled my destiny to such an extent that they turned into routine. Many considered me embittered and cruel, seeing that I no longer feel awe at the sight of tattered or half-decomposed bodies, but who would want to know what it cost me! What was worth while, and the other - the ability to close his soul from the weeping of innocent victims, who yearn for revenge, from the frenzy and demonic squealing of violent spirits, from the sufferings of those who, without enduring life's trials or grief, got off their path and were doomed to wander forever around the world , not finding the road to Asha...
Every time when I was seized by disgust, shyness or dislike, I understood that the reason is not in the decomposition of bodies, not in bad liquids and smells and, of course, not in the laws of the universe, but only in myself, in my own weakness. At first I tried to deny the obvious, but quickly realized how naive I was, I was cowardly and stupid. Not wanting to see someone else's death, I was afraid to see my own; turning away from the disintegration of another's flesh, I refused to accept what should have happened to me one day. Asha's will is sacred - what could my fears mean, my reluctance to turn into a pile of rotten meat, into food for the corpses? Whether I wanted it or not, it was exactly what was waiting for me, that was my future, my lot, but it was not enough to take it - time after time it was necessary to carefully return my soul to a correct perception, to humble myself, to refuse rebellion.
I again and again came to the dead - now not just to the tombstones. I have become accustomed to respectfully look at the most terrible changes that occur with bodies, on withered or rotting flesh, on fallen off limbs, at corpse greens and blackness, at former beauty, swimming, flowing stinking drops to the ground. So I comprehended a simple truth: everything in the world is subject to destruction, and death is the greatest power in the world. I bowed before the almighty darkness, I watched as it gradually erases the differences and boundaries between men and women, children and adults, commoners and rulers; how it blurs out clear lines, decomposes the complex to the simple and returns everything and everything to the beginning... I prayed repeatedly, not once or twice, kneeling among the dead, and thanked the great goddess for the lessons she had taught, for the wisdom she shared so generously with me, for the ability to see the essence of being sent by her, to see - and not to turn away...
I myself took the non-life much later; took it with joy, realizing that a new path awaits me, but also realizing the inevitable: anyone, even the undead, will return to the sources, his soul will go to Asha, and the body will turn into dust, and he will be trampled into the firmament and forgotten ... This to bless existence with profit, not having temptations, no fears, no doubts. However, before that, while still having a hot heart beating, one should know everything: the miracle of creation, the sad right, the sorrowful merit of being alive at the will of the goddess - and the price that will have to be paid for it. Comprehending this, could I devote myself to anyone other than the One who is coming, my only mistress? Could you give your efforts and your labors to something other than the most powerful manifestation of it - death?
The weak and the strong serve, the strong and serve the great. After all, Asha makes everything good...
To be continued
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