I can find myself in your words as I have also had a lot of difficulty in asking for help. A similar traumatic childhood has put some unwanted patterns in my thinking strategy. It does take a lot of inner work to remove those old beliefs which are no longer serving for us. Asking for help is an act of bravery , not something to be ashamed of. I have noticed that women with difficult abusive fathers have this tendency of becoming so independent and apparently strong that asking for help or admitting vulnerability looks like a weakness. I am constantly struggling to work on myself and raise my level of awareness and notice that inner wounded child who will take control in my worst moment.
Doing the healing for my future offsprings is also a motivator for me. We pass down trauma without knowing and someone must break the cycle. This was a wonderful read🤗