Blaming is an intrument of the Ego which makes the person even more trapped and consumed by what they perceive as the worst misery. Responsibility is always the key. I think it takes the biggest amount of power to dust yourself off, admit that you are partly responsible and just see how to get out of the rathole. It's hard, very hard. Only a person who has been in such an experience knows. If the situation feels so bad then there is also depression. And that is tough on anybody. I can remember days when I barely wanted to get out of the couch because I felt that living there made me a failure, a nobody, a loser. Sometimes even making a shower looked futile, like why wash if you are such a failure. It was hard. Now when I go and see the room....I feel proud. I feel like I managed to find myself as a person in that tiny cold room. That somehow I got reborn. I kept some of the furniture and threw some as it got mold. Just before managing to move out the heating device I had broke down. I sometimes wonder how I managed to live there for 3 years. What a powerful gal! Looking back I realize that the biggest battle was with my mind and what I feared people will believe.

You know what I also realize? That us people need very little to be happy. That we can teach ourselves to see life with a different lens.

I am excited that I have a proper kitchen. Let me tell you that I hope I can still know how to cook after 3 years of not having the proper means to do so. Haha. A basic simple thing many take for granted. A kitchen. A proper bed. A freaking bathroom that you do not have to share. Yup...happiness is in small things.

I gained myself back and my connection with divinity. Nobody can take your power away after you go through a homeless situation and you come on top. You become so resilient and so aware of the fact that life is so much more than material possessions. It is about who you become in the pursuit of those. When I now look in the mirror I know that I can live with what I have become. I am not my trauma and not my past. And I am commited to becoming a better version of myself daily.