I asked Zuckerberg for my money and he hung up on me :(

 So I have a story to tell you. After I joined steemit I started thinking about the value I give to other networks. It all started one dark and stormy night, when I reached for my telephone huddled in the corner. I decided to withdraw my worth from the sites I use.

Facebook-

So I called up Mark Zuckerberg, 

and I said "Hey Mark" (we know each other by first names, he's my friend on facebook), "How do I withdraw my face, I did some research and it looks like I'm worth $48/year on average.

Mark said, "withdraw your face? what do you mean?"

I said, "my identity, you own it, I've been a member for 10 years can I get 50% of the $400 or so you've made on my participation".

Mark said, "I already sold your identity to like 80 people"

I said, "How do I get it back, is there an identity returns department"

He hung up and I was sad. ;(

Reddit-

So then I called up the reddit CEO. We don't know each other by first names, cause there's no way to be friends on reddit, but you might recognize the sinister face below.

I said, "Hey, umm hello, can I withdraw my reddit"

He said, "Withdraw your karma, umm no. Did you mean can I buy advertising?".

I said, "Ok, Can I buy advertising with my Karma?"

He said, "No only money, karma isn't worth anything."

I said, "Well can you at least replace that alien? he is seriously a creep."

I heard some sounds similar to r2d2, like when he's sad in the movies, and click. ;(

Twitter

At this point I was pretty mad. Twitter must think I'm worth something! Twitter has my back, I know it, I've got followers and everything.

So I called Jack. I follow him on Twitter, so we're pretty close.

I said, "Hey Jack, reddit and facebook don't think my contributions are worth anything. I don't know what to do, is there somewhere where I'm actually rewarded for participating."

Jack paused, and said, "Please try to keep your requests under 140 letters."

I said, "Jack, so I've been using your site for years and I follow you, can't you let me withdraw my retweet numbers?"

Jack said, "If you've seen our stock price lately you'd see we're tanking so no"

I said, "How about a RT on my steemit tweet?"

and click. Turns out their business model is failing, I'm sorry :(.




There I was, alone, afraid, all these people sold me, made money on me and I'm supposed to be happy because it's free? Well Mark, Jack, and whoever runs Reddit, some alien person, *bleep* *bloop* you too, I invite you to steemit. Seriously, I cordially invite all of you on steemit, because we'll give you value for your contribution, we'll treat you fair.

All images are creative commons fair use.