"Well, at least now I have time and a topic for a freewrite," I say to my dog as I plunk down onto the bed and take off my shoes.
He doesn't care. He's just glad we're back home so he can sprawl out on his back and force me to rub his tummy by using the insidious mind control device he had installed in his big, dark eyes the day he was born.
Or maybe while he was still in the womb.
I rub his tummy for a few minutes. Then I get up.
I take off my jacket.
Take off my jeans.
Slip my bra out of my shirt and slip my legs into my dia de los muertos pajama pants.
"It's good to be single," I mumble to myself as I grab the bag of salt and vinegar chips and plunk down in front of the laptop.
I crack open a tangerine la croix.
"Single means I don't have to cut my crow walks short to make it to the restaurant in time just so they can feel bad that I can't eat anything even though I already knew the place couldn't accommodate my gluten disability."
Crunch, crunch, crunch, say the chips in response.
"Single means I can walk away from the first lame excuse before I commit to a month or a year or eight goddam years of lame excuses."
The bubbles in the soda can tinkle and titter in agreement.
Still, the comfort gets stagnant and lonely and horny and next thing I know I'm flipping through the worst possible way any person could ever present themself aka Tinder.
Fortunately for me the Universe seems to have my back and sends me the text that says
We went through a lot of trouble to make sure he "forgot." You'll be having this drink alone tonight. You're welcome.
"Really, universe? You don't trust me to make these kinds of character decisions on my own."
Universe looks at me deadpan.
I stare back. Pretend I don't have a shitty track record that extends all the way back to when I was still in the womb.
"Ohhhhhkaaaayyy."
It comes out like bus driving by. Gusty and boxy and unattractive.
Universe still stares at me. Taps its foot.
"Thank you," I mumble. Or whisper. I stare at the ground.
Universe takes off on whatever errand and/or to save some other poor schmuck from their own hell...
and leaves me to finish the freewrite by myself.
Like a big girl.
This is my entry for the #monomad challenge, held daily in the Black and White Community.
Give it a try.
This is also a #fridayfreewrite, an idea put forth by 
instagram: @se_pdx_crows
a percentage of this post's rewards goes back to support the community
