I think I might have a carved walrus tusk somewhere that I stole from an evil ex boyfriend who got it from someone, probably some chick he was dating, when he lived in Alaska.

Sounds like you'd fit in very well into a northern corporation.

If it means taking a drug test and filling out this application for employment first, I'm just gonna stay unincorporated. Or, you know, here, in Portland, where everything whatever I like whatever works whenever I want it pretty much flies for everyone.