In the void that deepens from accessing stuff, I still want all that there is to it. Boxers and fighters are in the same boat. They learn to fight, which is beneficial for health, but it isn’t really for longevity. Roided up athletes make sense too, they’ve given their whole life to it, and assuredly nothing happens without that goal.

I would destroy my whole body to have sustenance, but I’ve seen how difficult it is to rebuild. Mere walking hurts the joints. I feel that I can get something by tormenting myself, not sleeping, grinding hours at the desk,but I may find comfort in sleep at night and sometimes lying out on the sofa.

So what does make me capable? I have the option to get by destroying every bit of, but still I haven't,