A few days ago, I completed three months of this second chance that life has given me. And every day, when I wake up to a new one, I am grateful for a new sunrise.
I have been feeling good. And whoever sees me, and does not know about what happened, cannot imagine that three months ago, I was so close to dying of a heart attack.
Last week, I spoke with the cardiologist as part of my medical control. And the indication he gave me since I have been feeling so well is to stop the anticoagulant treatment. And in two weeks, do some blood tests to try to determine what was the cause of the clots which produced the heart attack. So as of yesterday, I am no longer on medication.
But fear is taking hold of me. On the one hand, I'm glad to get off blood thinners and not have to be aware of the risk of bleeding. But on the other hand, I am scared. Since the doctor gave me the indication, I have not stopped looking for information on the internet about the risks of thrombosis and how to reduce them. And yes, I know that this is the worst thing I can do. But fear is free and so intrinsic to the human condition. And I have not been able to bury the voice in my head that wonders if it can happen again.
And one of the things I've read that I should avoid is sedentary lifestyles and inactivity. So, in the last few days, I've gone electric. And I can't sit still. I have been doing a thousand things to distract myself and not think about fear, but paradoxically I had been slacking on working out during the week. So yesterday evening, I went to the park to walk.
I walked 4 kilometers. I filled myself with some fresh air. I contemplated the moon that was visible even though it was still daylight. And I had a lot of time to think. And yes, I gave a little more thought to that fear that has had me a little paralyzed for a few days and did not allow me to concentrate on writing. And while I was walking, a little bit absorbed in looking at the moon, I thought, maybe I have to write it down to let it flow.
When I got home, I was a little too tired to write. I had to make dinner. But this morning, I was determined that it would be the first thing I would do. So here I am.
I will not get rid of the fear. But I will deal with it. And not let it freeze me. And although it will be there, I have hundreds of other things to think about. Some are better than others, some joys, some anguish. But at the end of the day that is life. Isn't it? And I'm grateful to be alive.
Thank you for reading.
All images and writing are my own unless otherwise stated.
© CoquiCoin
March 3, 2023
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