Ghosting is one of those words that has slowly made its way into everyday conversation, especially in friendships, relationships, and even work connections. It simply means cutting someone off without any explanation, no calls, no texts, no replies, just silence. As easy as it may sound, ghosting often comes with mixed emotions. Some people do it to protect themselves, others do it to avoid confrontation, while some simply don't know how to communicate their feelings properly.
There have been moments I felt like ghosting was the best way out of a toxic friendship. At times in our lives, we have met people who stress us, disrespect us, or just bring unnecessary drama into our lives. If you ever try to explain to them why you want to stop being friends with them, it brings more problems at times; they turn it to malice. Some may try to guilt-trip you, some may beg, others may argue or even twist your words. Instead of facing all that, you quietly cut them off and protect your peace of mind.
I remember a friend back then; I was the one that ghosted them both. They never even noticed I ghosted them until after 2 years; that's when they noticed it, because they both needed my help on something. That's why they were able to reach out. Let me call the first person Emeka. We were very close friends; we have worked in the same environment. Academically, he was ahead of me, but I was happy for him. Then he relocated to Lagos, and his attitude started changing. First off, if I don't call him, he won't call.
He only calls when he needs my help for something; after that, he will just ghost me. If I have a problem and try to relate it to him for help, he will wave it off and call me an overthinker. One day he made a statement as I was grieving over my loss; he said I was complaining too much, but this was someone that literally woke me up by 3am to complain about his loss till daybreak. I paid him full attention, trying to console him and even follow him up. After that day, I just stopped calling and texting. It was totally silent.
We both stopped talking to each other for 1 year, and then one day he came with, Just that small quarrel you are keeping malice. You are on your own. I didn't reply or give a reaction. It's been two years, and we haven't spoken to each other. As for the girl, she always wants to be the center of attraction, anything that makes people find you more attractive than her. She will suddenly start to complain that the person is below our standard, but if it were her that the same person approached, he would be of our standard.
She just likes when it's just her receiving attention. We didn't quarrel, but I relocated, and I used that avenue to ghost her. Even when I came back for a complete year, she wasn't aware because I made sure of that. I told our other friends that I don't want her around, please, and they understood. But to date we never exchange words, and we are quietly minding our different businesses, and life has been peaceful since I ghosted these two people out of my life for good.
Although ghosting might sound like a perfect thing to do when someone is stressing you out or affecting your mental health, it sometimes hurts, especially when you don't even know what you have done wrong to this person and he or she just ghosted you without explanation. I have been ghosted like that before—no prior quarrel or misunderstanding, just mute, and all effort to get to this person was abortive. I was left wondering why the sudden change in attitude. Furthermore, I kept repeating all the past events in my head, but I couldn't figure out what I did wrong.
It took me time, but I finally accepted it and moved on. Even when the person came back to explain, I wasn't even interested anymore to know why they acted such a way. So because it hurts to be ghosted without knowing what I did wrong. I give prior notice to my friends. I will tell them, any day I ghost you, don't bother asking me why because you have been acting like my presence irritates you.
Images are mine
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