Prior to my current state of perception, I always thought that everybody worked with the belief of growing up and starting up a family with their spouse just like me because of nurture and the natural factor ( it is obvious that nobody wants to truly be alone) but as I continue to interact with people I began to realize how much the topic of marriage scares a lot of young adults and the matured as well in this present generation many of which either loathes the concept of marriage or are scared of it entirely.
A lot of folks rush into marriage thinking they can handle all the challenges attached to this union only to run back out of it after discovering that just love is never enough to achieve a successful home and others!!!! Well let's just say the experiences of people around them including their parents left a huge scar in their lives that they no longer consider marriage as something even worth trying. I was conversing with a friend awhile back and she told me that her idea of a real home has to be one where both spouses are also at each other's throats because that is all she has ever witnessed from her parents and she is scared of repeating the cycle- something she already sees happening in her current relationship causing her to question if marriage is even worth giving a try at all.
During the early stages of relationships ( dating) people always talk about what they look for in their partner in terms of looks, compatibility, with physical appearance and financial capacity dominating their desires but never truly providing what they have to offer to make it work or even discuss what is truly necessary in a marriage. Marriage is not just some fairy tale straight out of a Disney movie where the couples live happily ever after despite having no deeper connection other than it is destined to be . It is a very complex partnership that requires effort, resolutions that comes with the misunderstanding from two different people, compatibility and sacrifices that transcends love for it to blossom.
Before providing my standards in a partner, I'll have to provide insights about what is expected of me as someone's partner. After watching how the men around me treat their wives, I have promised never to be like them but a blend of something. I don't believe in the concept of a man's place not being in the kitchen because I already have plans of taking a cooking course to help out as much as possible and also cook her something nice.
I am going to be very active in the lives of kids in all spheres and not just play the disciplinary role just like traditional fathers do. Growing up I once avoided my father because he was too distant and was never around even when he was not working, I never got to bond with him until I became an adult and as I child, my head kept working around the fact that mom was the parent that truly cared for kids ignoring that truly came through for his family because he was physically and emotionally absent.
I also want to be a provider, a defender and the best version of a husband possible flaws and all. When it comes to the family's working conditions, this is a delicate discussion that really needs to be given indepth heart to heart between both parties as it crippled many homes ss they each chose different paths. Personally I will not say I want my partner to be a full fledged housewife, I want her to engage in a working activity that must ensure that the children are always in her line of sight which can range from owning a business, juggling a teaching job or literally anything that will ensure that has enough time for the kids and the family.
It is no secret that mothers play the most crucial role of grooming/ training the kids while also keeping the family together. However I am willing to compromise. After the first two kids she is able to create some form of stability being a full time worker, a mother and wife without deficiencies or complaint then by all means she can go ahead I don't intend to make a subject in our home. But if she can't then I have to apologize, the family, the kids and well-being is very important, she must search for something less demanding or become a stay at home mom if that's ultimately what we agree on just so the lifespan of the family is not threatened or compromised.
A crucial feat I don't intend to overlook is the fact that I am just looking for a wife but also a best friend I can discuss anything with without limitations, a woman willing to place the family first even when we are having issues, a caregiver that not only sees me as partner but as someone that also needs to be taken care off just like all 13 of our kids馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ, my biggest supporter, the neck that holds the head of the household together through thick and thin- an energy I will wholeheartedly reciprocate.
As much as physical appearance is important, in terms of marriage this is not always relevant because in the end I am getting married to the person not what she looks like because mutual respect, compatibility and shared values between two people having equally important roles is all that truly matters for the family.
Marriage is not all about getting the prettiest woman in the world or the lady with all the right curves because when you settle for looks, you might end up wishing you had stayed single instead of jumping into a hot mess. I intend to choose someone who is ready to grow with me as we take this lifelong journey through life's ups and downs together.
PS All pictures were taken by me
