He stood for what seemed like hours just looking at me and I at him, until he turned and left without saying a word. He kept his his distance from me for weeks. He didn’t come into my room and I never went to seek him out. I wanted to do it so many times but my pride held me back.
I could see that he carried a burden, but I had been offering myself to him but he kept refusing me. Rejection is one thing, but rejection when you’re in love was something else. I never knew I could love somebody after what I went through with Gregory. However, in order to heal those scars from within and not just on the outside I had to make myself vulnerable. Vulnerability is a motherfucker. I hated it, but I made a conscious decision to be that for Max, so that I could heal, in hopes of us being together. I loved him. Maybe my expectations were fairytale, but I was willing to try. Was he? Yes he was the most attentive lover, but all the sex and the multiple mind blowing orgasms were just not enough. I felt like I escaped captivity only to end up being even more shackled. I was bound to this family and a man who didn’t love me for life.
He surprised me one morning when he walked into the room. Impeccably dressed and smelling like heaven as usual. Of course I missed him and I wanted him but it was tiring dealing with him and his moods. I hadn’t seen him for two weeks or more and now he just walked in. I was leaving on that ship with or without his permission. He stood at th bed staring down at me with those piercing dark eyes.
“I’m leaving.” I announced. “You can get any pussy you want, you nu really need this battered one.” He didn’t respond, he just continued staring at me. “I’ve been allowing you to do and say what you want to me all this time. It’s no different from what Gregory did. I hurt too Max, the whore has feelings. I’m a slave to you like I was to him and I can’t take it anymore.”
“When you came here you knew it was for life.” He said quietly.
“Yes a lifetime of working to make things better for myself, not a lifetime of satisfying your dick!” I spat at him.
“You know why me keep you pan mi cocky? So that mi can plant a baby inna yu and tie yu to me fi bloodclaat life! That way you can’t come at me with nu fuckery bout leaving. Mi wah see you try.”
I gasped as he spoke his truth, remembering when I lost the pregnancy after being beaten and the doctor saying it was impossible for me to bear children again after that. It made me sad and angry all over again. I loved this man. Did he really think he needed to trap me with a baby? I didn’t want to fight with him, it was too much for me and he looked so stressed I wanted to just hold him. I held my hand out to him so he could come join me on the bed. His surprise was so blatant it was almost comical. I clasped my hand to my mouth to stop the laugh that wanted to escape. I looked at him feigning seriousness my hand still stretched to him. He looked at me like I was going crazy but his expression softened and he came closer to the bed; taking my outstretched hand he sat beside me and brought my fingers to his lips.
“Are you serious? Do you really think you need to do that? Max, you don’t need to trap me with a baby. I haven’t seen you in weeks. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” I spoke softly looking into his tormented brown eyes. I moved over to him and straddled him throwing my hands around his neck. My fingers went through his curls as my mouth delved on to his mouth. He sighed loudly and his hands reached down and gripped my butt cheeks as his lips claimed mine. His kiss was fervent and I kissed him equally fierce. There was something going on with him and I wish he would talk to me. The silk of the short night gown rode smoothly up revealing my bare butt cheeks. He groaned in his usual delight to find me commando.
“La regina...” he’s sighed against my lips as he pressed me down on top of his erection. I was a helpless fuck of a mess with him.
“Baby, I’m here. I’ve always been here. Stop pushing me away.” I placed my forehead on his and he closed his eyes. I put my fingers under his chin and lifted his lips to mine again kissing him gently. “Will you look at me please?” I used his own words on him and he opened his eyes.
“Let’s go away together,” he said suddenly startling me.
“Max you know traveling is dangerous for me right now.” I said a little disappointed.
“The doctor said you shouldn’t fly, he didn’t say you can’t drive. Let’s go away just the two of us. Away from all this so we can have some time to talk and spend some alone time together.” He suddenly sounded excited. His mood was so mercurial, but then that’s what made him so him, and I loved every bit of him.
“Are you sure you should leave now? There’s so much shit going on with Leo and Megan and the business.” Though I really wanted to be alone with him I was unsure it was the right time.
“It’s being handled, Joanna.” He said, that angry glint came back into his eyes then it softened when I tightened my arms around him. “I’ll tell you all about every thing baby. Do you trust me?”
“I do,” I responded snuggling to him I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck reveling in his nearness. I really did. He’s said some angry shit but he’s treated me nothing less than a queen since I opened my eyes in that hospital. I wear the best, I live a lavish lifestyle, I lacked for nothing. I have a life I never dreamed I would have in a million years.
“J, I’ve not been myself ever since the first time I met you. You drive me to the point of insanity, I don’t know what to do with you sometimes.” He spoke softly. With my head under his chin I could barely hear him but I could feel every word reverberating through his chest.
“You break my thought flow every time I look at you, but you keep me grounded at the same time. And yes, you have been my strength; getting up and facing each day has gotten so much easier because you’re the first person I get to see every morning when I open my eyes. I get to feel your body snuggling into mine as you sleep and it’s the best feeling ever. Being away from you has made me realize that. There’s a lot going on and I’ve been the angriest, meanest beast with you, yet here you are, still here holding me, owning me without fear.” I wish I was able to look into his eyes as he spoke but he snuggled his face into my neck as my hand sifted through his hair and I listened to his soft voice.
He inhaled deeply. “You smell so fucking good. I just love your smell, the way you feel, your taste. I think God made you just for me and I’m sorry it took me this long to find you, things would have been so much more different...” He voice trailed off and he buried his face into my neck.
“What do you mean?” I asked, his statement sounded cryptic.
“It’s nothing, baby.” He said suddenly. “You should get dressed. The sooner we leave, the sooner I can hear your sweet moans.” He kissed my lips softly and helped me to my feet. I allowed him to lead me to the huge closet where it was a task to get dressed. I giggled and slapped at him trying to fend off his fingers here and his lips there as I donned a simple cuffed jeans shorts, white tank top and a pair of jeans Sperry loafers.
“Max if you continue like this we’re not going to end up leaving this room.” I said coyly. I wanted us to go wherever so I could be all on with him.“I’m already barely wearing anything and I’m horny as fuck.” His eyes moved up my bare legs, to my breasts and landed on my lips before meeting mine.
“Don’t fucking remind me.” He cupped my butt and pulled me up against his growing erection. His mouth came down on mine sucking at my lips like they were sustenance.
“Do I need to pack a few things?” I asked while he nibbled my neck.
“Believe me all you’re gonna be wearing is my body wrapped around yours.” He said against my lips. “Now grab your purse and I’ll meet you down stairs. Let me go change before I start peeling you out of those shorts. It took me long enough to get you in them.” He slapped my ass and gave me one last kiss before rushing out. I smiled and grabbed my handbag that still had all the things from my trip. My thoughts went back to my trip; there was much for Max and I to talk about. I could feel the tension coming from him, I know he was stressed, maybe this trip was not a bad idea. He needed to breathe. I took my medicines from bathroom chest and dumped them in my bag. I wasn’t going anywhere without them again. I still couldn’t breathe deeply without the pain but my breathing was not as shallow as it was.
I left the room and headed for the stairs my mind in deep thoughts. I loved when Max was sweet and carefree, I couldn’t take it when he was grumpy. When I was almost at the bottom of the staircase I met Shelly rushing in from the direction of the back patio where the pool was.
“J a you mi jus a come check pan enu.” She said looking behind her as if someone was chasing. She didn’t seem herself. There’s no way someone could have been chasing her in a house full of men in black; and come to think of it, as big as it was, the house did seem a bit crowded with the Italian security today.
“I’m ok Shell.” I said looking at her strangely. “What’s going on? Why do you keep looking behind you and why are there so many security in here?” I asked, my brows creasing in a worried frown as I finished descending the stairs.
“J weh...”
“So now that I’ve seen the grounds where’s my husband? Where’s Maximilian?” Shelly froze in mid sentence and my breath stopped when I saw her. It was as if she entered the hall in slow motion. She was beyond gorgeous. She was Italian, her accent was thick. She was just a little taller than I was with shoulder length straight black hair and bangs at her brows. Either her skin was flawless or the makeup she wore was flawless, but she looked like she walked off the front page of Vogue in a black knee length pencil dress and matching stilettos. Her manicured fingers were holding a pair of designer sunglasses. She was walking with The Godfather, Ms. Munroe and they were flanked by men in black. I’m sure time stood still. I was unable to move but my eyes moved from her, to the God father, to Ms. Munroe, and to Shelly. None of their eyes met mine.
“Maximus!” She shouted with glee her face splitting in a delighted smile. I watched as she stepped pass me toward the stairs where she greeted Max as he descended.
“Fuck...” I heard Shelly’s quiet curse.
“I’ve missed you so mio amore!” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. Those lips that were not too long ago sending shivers through my body.
“Hello Isabella.” Max said when she unwrapped herself from him.
“Ah Maximilian perhaps you and Isabella should join your father and I for drinks on the back patio.” Ms. Munroe said in her professional way.
“Yes, please join us.” The God father was also very professional.
“Before we go, let me introduce you to the newest member of the family, Joanna.” Max’s father presented me to his wife. I was shell shocked. I don’t think a single coherent thought went through my mind in that moment pass this elegant, gorgeous woman that was Max’s wife.
“Joanna, this is Isabella.” When he said my name the second time I was transported back to the here and now.
“Piacere di conoscerti,” Isabella smiled at me with her hand outstretched.
I assumed it meant ‘nice to meet you’ and I took her hand like a robot, not responding. I vaguely wondered if I was dreaming but her Vera Wang scent slapped me awake. She looked at me strangely and withdrew her hand from mine quickly then linked her arm into the crook of Max’s arm.
“Let’s go mio amore,” she said smiling up at him.
He didn’t look at me, he looked down at her clenching his jaw and proceeded to walk away with his father, his aunt and the bevy of security guards.
Did that really just happen? I was questioning my sanity because surely Max would have at least mentioned that he was married. Surely somebody, anybody would have mentioned it!
“Married?” I turned my eyes to Shelly who was looking quite unsure. My voice was soft almost shaking.
“J, I’m sorry you had to find out like this?” She took a step toward me and I took a step back like a frightened dog. All I saw was the betrayal.
“Sorry?” I could feel the lump forming in my throat. I swallowed hard trying remove it and to stop the tears from forming.
“I thought you were my friend.” My vision blurred as the tears I tried to hold in ebbed and flowed. I wiped them away breathing slowly, willing the inevitable excruciating pain to stay at bay.
“Joanna please understand mi position, I couldn’t...” she started.
“I know...your loyalty belongs to him.” I started walking. Him. Max. My heart. He walked away. He didn’t look at me. We were going away just the two of us, and he walked by me like a stranger.
“Weh yah go Joanna?” I didn’t respond I kept walking toward the door because I really didn’t know where I was going. I felt as if the walls of the house were caving in on me. I threw the front door open and the men at the door looked at me puzzlingly and blocked my path.
“B yu know yu condition! Yu cyah leave!” Shelly shouted even as the men blocked my way. I couldn’t stay in that house.
“Joanna...,” Ms. Munroe’s voice was calm. I didn’t look at her, I just wanted to go before the pain started.
“I’m not trying to cause any trouble or create a scene ma’am. Please just let me go.” The tears started again as I stood at the open door facing the team of security guards. One handed me a handkerchief. I took it and held it to my face trying to steady my breathing.
“Joanna, I’m so so sorry.” Her voice was sincere as she approached me but I didn’t turn around.
“Please, please. If there is any ounce of humanity in you people, please I’m begging you. Let. Me. Go.” I could feel the walls caving in. The words were forced as I tried to hold back my tears, manage my breathing and hang on to the string of dignity I had left. I was locked away in this house sleeping with a married man, taking all kinds of verbal insults from him it was like déjà vu, except in this scene, I wore silk.
“Please.” I pleaded again. “I can’t stay here anymore, please let me go.”
“Joanna, Max should be the one to explain things to you, but everything is not as it seems.” She said cryptically but I didn’t want to hear explanations, to talk to anyone or see anything I just wanted to leave.
“Ms. Munroe, there is no need to be sorry. I was doing my job as the resident whore. It was no different from what I did before, only this time I got to wear silk and soak in a tub. But right now, with all due respect please, please let me go. The walls are caving in on me. I don’t need pity! I don’t need apologies! I don’t need an explanation! I just need to leave! Please.” My voice rose with each word and I realized that all the moments I thought my heart had shattered before it really didn’t because this was the moment that it splintered and fell into the pit of my stomach. If I had to die trying, I was going to leave. Ms Munroe must have noticed my resolve or she took pity on me, she said something in Italian to the men and they stepped aside creating a path for me. Seizing the opportunity I stepped through the door as quickly as I could allowing myself short gulps of fresh air.
My freedom was short lived as one of the security opened the back of one of the Mercedes and urged me to get in. I didn’t have a choice but to climb in. Any and everything that happened after that was a blur as I curled on the backseat, buried my face into the handkerchief and wept openly, ignoring the pain that was rising in my chest; not caring that the man driving could hear me. I didn’t know where he was taking me and I didn’t care, I was happy to be away from that house and what I witnessed. No matter what I did that scene kept playing and replaying in my mind over and over again and as it did the pain got sharper.
When the car stopped I felt myself being lifted from the back of the car. I couldn’t tell who lifted me, where I was, or where he was taking me. I was brought inside a house, up some steps and into a huge bedroom. He placed me on a huge bed and when I tried to get up he held my shoulder. The room was dark with the drapes closed.
“Please lie down Ms. Joanna.” He said softly in his thick Italian accent.
“must...take...medicine...” breathing had become difficult. I clutched at the handbag that was still hanging loosely from my arm trying to open it. He opened the bag for me and I grabbed the pills.
“Water...” I whispered. He went to an adjoining door I’m assuming was the bathroom and brought me a glass of water. I threw the pills in the back of my throat and gulped the water he held to my lips before collapsing on the pillows and closed my eyes moaning as the pain lanced through my chest with each breath. I heard the soft click of the lock when the security left. When will the unbearable pain in my chest end? I was so tired of everything. I ran away from bondage with Gregory into one where not just my body, but my heart was trapped. I couldn’t escape Max nor the feelings I had for him. My last thought before the effects of the medication kicked in was Isabella’s perfect lips on Max’s. They were perfect for each other.
When I opened my eyes the physical pain had subsided but I was immediately reminded of where I was and why. There was no warm body lying next to me or sitting next to me on the bed waiting for me to feel better. I was alone. The tears started again and I threw the covers over my head and allowed them to fall freely. I wept for my lost love, I wept for my shattered heart, I wept for the mess my life was in, I wept because I was trapped and had no where or no one. I cried myself into a fitful sleep. A soft knock on the door roused me from my sleep. I didn’t answer but the door opened slowly letting in a sliver of light from the other side. I wasn’t sure who it was but I had no strength to talk or move.
“Ms. Joanna, are you awake?” The security came in carrying a tray with food. I didn’t respond. He approached the bed and turned on the lamp on the night table. I squinted as my eyes tried to adjust to the light.
“Ms. Joanna, you must eat.” He placed the tray on the huge bed and I closed my eyes. My stomach turned at the smell of the Chinese take out. When I made no attempt to talk or move he switched off the light and walked out of the room. I threw the covers over my head again to block out the smell of the food and life itself. I fell asleep again.
The next time my eyes opened my stomach was churning and the contents were almost in my throat. I flung the covers aside and rushed to bathroom door. Hugging the toilet I emptied my stomach acid in it groaning. I sat there for a few minutes weak and groaning. I struggled back to the bed and crawled under the sheets. I assumed it was morning because I could see a little light coming through the bathroom window. My life was in a shambles I just wanted to sleep. I never want to leave this room or this bed. The soft knock came and I didn’t respond. The security walked in carrying some shopping bags. He looked at the untouched tray of food and back at me. I watched under my lids. He was the same kind security who gave me the handkerchief. He put the bags on the carpeted floor, opened the blinds a little to get some light and walked to the bed.
“Ms. Joanna?” I didn’t respond. I looked up at him with my swollen lids.
“I’m Maurice. I’m here to help you. How are you feeling?” He said quietly. “I bought you some clothes. You can freshen up before breakfast.” Breakfast. Just the thought of food had my stomach turning again.
“What would you like?” He asked.
“To sleep.” My voice was scratchy. “Close the blinds please.” His eyes were kind as he looked at me before moving to the blinds and closing them. He took the tray and left.
“J?” I was in a dark vacuum but I could hear my name.
“Joanna?!” I was being sucked in but someone was pulling me out. I know that voice. I’ve heard it so many times before.
“Joanna wake up please!” The voice sounded distressed. I tried to open my eyes but there was too much light. When I finally managed to open my eyes Shelly was sitting beside me. I could barely get my eyes to focus in the light but when I finally did I could see the worry in her eyes.
“Thank yu Jesus!” She exclaimed. “J me kno you upset but you cyah jus deh here a waste weh so.”
I was about to respond but my stomach reminded me why I preferred silence and my own company. I held my hand to my mouth and tried to get out of bed to crawl to the bathroom but I was so weak. She realized what was happening and quickly put my arm around her and literally dragged me to the toilet where I emptied all the gastric juice I could manage to bring up. I hated vomiting, it felt like my intestines were coming up through my throat. When there was nothing left I struggled to my feet and she helped me to the sink and then back to bed.
“Pussyclaat B! A likkle over a week and you almost turn skin and bones man?!” She was genuinely worried. I could see the look on her face. “Maurice mek we bring har a di emergency room.” She turned to Maurice who was standing by the door also looking worried.
“I’m fine.” I whispered from my parched throat.
“You are not fine! Look pan yu?! When last you eat?!”
“She has eaten very little and she has been throwing up a lot,” Maurice chimed in.
“Just leave please. Why are you here?” The hurt was still as fresh as it was when it happened.
She looked genuinely hurt by my question. “J, I’ve been trying to call you and nothing, mi text and nothing. Mi affi literally beg Ms. Munroe fi tell me where dem carry you. Nobody knows where you are. Not even the boss nu know.”
“So what? Are you here to find out to carry it back to him? Ok you find out so you can leave now.” I closed my eyes. It was surprising that Ms. Munroe kept my whereabouts a secret.
“Mi know you upset wid me but you affi understand mi position.”
“I don’t give a fuck! Shelly it’s over. I don’t want to talk about it any more. I don’t want to talk about them!” Tears were forming in my eyes, I was tired of crying.
“Why can’t I be left alone? What did I do? I have no control over my own life. This is what I’ve been reduced to.” The tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about my current condition. The only time I’ve ever had this much nausea was when I was pregnant.
“B, mi sorry. Mi sorry but mi nah leave yu!”
“I’m pregnant.” I said quietly, my voice shaking from the sobs that wanted to erupt from the pit of my stomach.
“Pussyclaat,” Shelly gasped. “J you sure?”
“As sure as the bile me jus bring up inna di bathroom.”
“He needs…” I cut her off
“Don’t you fucking dear! What he needs? What do I need?! Look at me?!” Now the sobs started and I allowed them to flow. “I’m basically being held prisoner because I fucked my boss.”
“Come here” She pulled me to her and I clung to her and wept. She’s been my first real human contact in almost two weeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go Ms. Joanna.” Maurice came by the bed. “I’m here to help you. Anything you need. Anything at all.” He said passionately. “After what you did for this family I would do anything for you!” He knelt at the bedside and took my hand. And I wept all the more knowing he was here all this time and I couldn’t see pass my hurt that he still came even when I ignored him and the food he bought me.
“Please please don’t say anything to anybody about my condition. I don’t want to cause any problems. I’ve already caused enough problems.” I pleaded with them in earnest. I really didn’t want to have to deal with anybody at the head of the family; in any case it was unnecessary at this point anyway.
“I’m only an employee, people get pregnant all the time and the bosses aren’t involved.” I continued.
“I won’t say anything Miss Joanna.” Maurice promised as he pat my hand and stood.
“J what if something happens? Yu sure?” Shelly was uncertain. I could understand her loyalty but she needed to understand what I was going through.
“Shelly, look at what I’m going through now! I don’t want my child facing this kind of rejection.”
“But...”
“No! And that’s it! I have to protect me and mine! I have no one else to do it!”
“Alright nu say a word muuma. Right now me wah see you up and running again.” She hugged me to her again.
“Up and running go where?” I looked at her.
“Well, first of all we need fi find you a doctor. One a dem OBGYN people deh cause you way too tiny and yu need fi start eat some real food.”
Within the next hour Maurice located an OGYN and Shelly helped me to shower and dress in a summer dress from the clothes Maurice had bought. I had my first look at the bathroom since I’d been there. It was not as lavish as the one at the mansion but it was nice and spacious and also had a tub.
Shelly and Maurice helped me down the stairs, my legs felt so weak I thought they would buckle if I tried to walk on my own. Maurice stayed in the car and allowed Shelly and I to go into the doctor’s office alone. It was empty thank God so we went right in to her. Dr. Charmaine Mitchell was an older lady with dark chocolate skin and kind brown eyes. One look at me and she started inserting an iv into my vein diagnosing me as being severely dehydrated. I wasn’t surprised I could barely hold my hand aloft to have the iv inserted.
When she exposed my tummy to do her examination and the ultrasound I noticed a small paunch for the first time. It was barely noticeable because of how small I was but I could see it. I know Max would have been able to see it too, he knew every contour of my body. I closed my eyes and tried to push thoughts of him from my mind. I had to, my sanity depended on it. Shelly stood beside me holding my hand. As soon as the doctor inserted the ultrasound wand we heard the unmistakable sound of heartbeat. It sounded really fast. The doctor’s brows creased in concentration as she moved the wand around.
“Oh there you are!” She said excitedly. I opened my eyes and looked at Shelly. “Well Joanna you are a tiny little thing but you have two healthy babies growing inside you.” She smiled down at me.
Did she just say two? “What?”
“Two babies?” I looked in wonder and listened to the loud strong sound of my babies’ heartbeats.
“Doctor weh di bloodcleet yu jus say?!.” Shelly was clearly in shock. “Which part a har can carry two baby?” I pulled on her hand to remind her where she was and to watch her language.
“Yep you have two healthy sacs that are about 12 weeks old.” She pointed to two black blobs on the monitor.
The doctor seemed unperturbed by Shelly’s language, she continued looking at the screen and touching some buttons on the machine. She finished her examination and printed a picture of the scan showing baby A and baby B.
“Joanna you have to be careful, carrying two babies is no joke especially with your size. You need good food, exercise and lots of rest.” She said as she sat to make her notes while I continued to get iv fluids to rehydrate my body.
“Ok.” I answered still in shock and staring at the picture of my babies. I lost one and now I’ve been blessed with two. Yes, I was scared and though my heart was a mess there was a small spark of hope inside me at the thought of having these babies. I was being given a second chance at life. There were so many days I wanted to die but now I felt like I had purpose.
When I was finished getting enough iv fluids to satisfy the doctor, she gave me a script for medicine for the nausea and prenatal vitamins.
“Ok mi nu know bout you but mi still two baby shock.” Shelly later that day as she settled me back in bed. I was still a bit weak but the doctor said it would go away over time.
“I didn’t know I could still have babies after I was beaten when I was pregnant the first time. Well the doctors said I couldn’t.” I confessed to her.
“J mek you neva Mek we out da pussy de?” She sucked her teeth. “Anyway how you plan fi manage all a two babies, B?”
“Shelly if you a suggest weh me think you a suggest make me shut you down right ya so. I said don’t want to talk about those people. Don’t mention any of them inna mi presence.” I snapped at her and she visibly swallowed what she was about to say.
“Alright fine! Mi neva even say nuttn and you a nyam off mi head.” She rolled her eyes.
“Mi understand the loyalty business but mi a beg you please.”
“Mi say alright!” Her voice got a little higher than normal. I know she wasn’t on board, but this was my life and I didn’t want JamMob to be anymore a part of it than they needed to be.
“Well mi can at least suggest something to you?” She asked uncertainty clear in her face.
“As long as it nu include JamMob and our boss sure.” I looked up at her.
“You a smart smart gal enu mi think you fi apply fi school. At least you will have something to do and keep your mind occupied.”
“School? Inna dis ya condition? Mi not even know which school wudda want me.”
“Online school. Mi think you have a real knack fi business. You should go back to school muuma.”
“Even if I were accepted, how mi fi pay fi dat? And don’t suggest mi ask the family if you nu wah mi end di conversation right ya so.” It was a good idea. I always wanted to go back to school but circumstances never allowed it.
“Hey fi a smart likkle gal mi wish yu wudda use yu head to raas. Di amount a money you have at your disposal wid da black card deh inna yu purse.” I know I had the card but I really didn’t think about using it.
“Afta mi nu kno if dat a work. Di ppl dem nu gooda cut mi off...”
“Why you nuh listen fi once inna yu pussyclaat life likkle girl?!” She exclaimed. “Afta what you did the family indebted to you!” I clamped my mouth shut and she continued.
“There is no cutting you off! In fact jus fi show you, we a go shopping tomorrow cause yu need clothes and a whole eep a other shit.”
“I don’t think I’m up to being up and about shopping right now Shell...” I said.
“Don’t worry mi have it lock! I’ll take care of the things you need. You just concentrate on finding a school and a program. Mi ago ask Maurice fi get you a laptop.” She looked excited and I couldn’t help feeling a little bit of her excitement. It would be good to keep my mind occupied. I just hoped people from the JamMob family continued to keep their distance. I don’t know if they checked through Maurice but I turned off the iPhone permanently. I didn’t have a need for it anyway.
True to her word before the day ended I had a MacBook and was busy searching for online programs that would accept me with the credentials I had. Shelly brought her girlfriend Lisa to help me. She was so sweet and quiet, the complete opposite of Shelly ever ready. She assisted me with my application and when I was accepted in the FIU Business program, she helped me to register for my courses. She also helped Shelly to shop for stuff that I needed for myself and the babies.
As the days passed into weeks and months, I got stronger and of course bigger. The twin bump popped out overnight. Since that day Shelly came, she never left. Her and Maurice were my ride and die, Lisa visited often too to help me with course work. I became strong enough to cook, clean and do laundry like the old days before I was injured. I was closely monitored and nagged by Maurice and Shelly to take it easy but either there was something in those prenatal vitamins or it was plain pregnancy hormones that gave me a burst of energy after I passed the first trimester. As my body grew so did my hair and my skin took on a natural healthy glow. I looked so much more alive and I felt more filled with purpose as felt the first movements of the babies and got engrossed into my online learning.
I turned the quaint two story townhouse into my home. It was a lavishly furnished 3 bedroom townhouse. There were two bed room and a bathroom upstairs and one bedroom and bathroom downstairs. A beautifully decorated living room, a small office or study with windows that overlooked a small garden. The kitchen was quite modern, decked with state of the art appliances. It was large enough that the space was separated to include a small island with four stools. There were abstract art hanging on the walls in the all the rooms and the walls leading down the stairs. There were some pieces around the living room, between the sofas, next to the flatscreen tv and on the small center table. I vaguely wondered whose house it was, but I really didn’t want to know the answer.
Shelly and Maurice often spoke about JamMob business but if I was around they did so in code thinking I didn’t understand them. Sometimes I pretended to read while they spoke listening for little tit bits about Max. If I said I didn’t miss that motherfucker I would be a liar but I tried really hard to occupy my mind with learning about babies or school. Most nights I cried into my pillow missing the feel of his arms around me while I snuggled into his body. I swear many nights I could hear him whispering my name as his hands ran over the tips of my breasts and down to my bump; but that image was often shattered by the image of Isabella throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him.
“Yow all now dem cyah find di bloodclaat big mole to pussyclaat. Dem try every way fi drag him out.” Shelly and Maurice sat at the kitchen island talking and drinking while I curled up on the sofa pretending to read my copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
“Di pussy a move from country to country like a diplomat a keep di boss dem busy.” She continued. I figured they were talking about Leo but who were the ‘bosses’? I wondered if Max’s wife now joined him as the head of JaMMob. I closed my eyes trying to will the picture of them together out of my mind. Did he pull her chair out and kiss her sweetly on her neck before she sat like he did with me? Did he take long baths with her where there was more loving than bathing? I couldn’t take it. I slammed the book shut out of frustration causing Shelly and Maurice to look my way and the babies moved probably annoyed that I roused them from their naps.
“Are you ok Ms. Joanna?” Maurice asked in his calm Italian accent.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I snapped at them. They looked at each other. I was immediately sorry.
“B is wha happen? Baby dem alright?” Shelly asked. They were genuinely concerned and I was up in my feelings about Max and his wife.
“No, I’m ok really. I’m just trying to learn as much as I can before these two get here.”
“Alright tek it easy deh.” Shelly said then she started talking to Maurice again.
“What about the girl?” Maurice asked her.
“Mi pussyclaat mi neva know me cudda sorry fi somebody. When dem done is a wheelchair she ago end up inna or worse to bloodclaat.” Shelly lowered her voice. “Mi neva see The Godfather in action yet but di man put on a bombocleet boxing glove and di first lick she get a couple teeth well fly outta har pussyclaat mouth. Mi couldn’t watch.” My eyes widened at the graphic image wondering who they were talking about. And The Godfather? Max’s father was out of retirement. Well I guess now he can spend time with his wife.
“It’s the Italian way. That one abused and betrayed the trust of an Italian Mob Boss.” He shook his head. “It will not end well.”
“A couple million US well dem move plus di man dem goods enu. Mi hear say di buyer dem a ask fi di new boss lady weh dem deal wid. Like dem a say if anu she a deal wid dem, dem ago stop do business with the family.” She sighed loudly.
“What does Don Max say?” Maurice moved his head closer to Shelly. It was getting harder to hear them.
“Well production cease ya now. We cyah know fi how long. Him a say him wife ago deal wid delivery. Mi nuh know how...” I had heard enough. I didn’t want to think about him anymore. I interrupted their conversation.
“Can we go for a drive please?” I said quickly trying not to sound perturbed.
“Yea mi nu see why not.” Shelly turned to Maurice. “Maurice come een J wants to go for a drive. Maybe we can put har roun the wheel too.”
I struggled to my feet and smiled clapping my hands, “yes, yes, yes and can we go to the shooting range too?”
“No no hold on jumping jack, not a bloodclaat,”
“Shelly!” I held my bump.
“Cho yu all make me a cuss badwud roun the baby dem. Sorry twinnies.” She walked over and put her hand on my bump and the babies kicked.
“J yu cyah have the baby dem roun nu whole eep a gunshot B, dat nu safe.”
“Ok, I get it. Let’s go I’m still excited to go around the wheel.” She rolled her eyes but she linked her hand in mine and we walked out behind Maurice who was wearing his usual black suit. Sometimes I wondered if he had to report to Ms. Munroe about me. It was good to be out of the house and doing something fun but I was a little distracted during my driving lesson but Maurice was extremely patient. There were moments that I wished it was Max teaching me to drive, but I had to accept the fact that I royally fucked up my life by not just fucking my boss who was married, but also falling in love with him. But I’m really trying to heal for the sake of the babies.
I know I put pressure on Maurice and Shelly to keep my condition a secret but I guess it was ok because it wasn’t like I was hot topic at the moment. Ever since I heard that Max was making Isabella a part of the business I got so angry. I couldn’t get the image of them together out of my mind. I knew all too well how skilled Max was with his hands, his fingers and his lips. I missed those lips, I missed the Italian he would whisper to me in my sleep. The reality that he was whispering to someone else sank in. He was never yours to begin with, he always showed me but I chose to play blind. He never tried to see me. It had been months since I last saw him and it really hurt that I meant so little to him, that he never tried to explain what happened. The twins were almost here. They’ll never know a father, but I’m going to make sure they want for nothing. I used school as a mental shield, I was super focused and determined to do well. And preparing for the twins kept me mentally and physically occupied.
Today I had an appointment with Dr. Mitchell. I was 36 weeks and I was yet to find out the sex of the babies because I didn’t want to obsess over the boys looking like Max and the girls looking like me and silly things like that. Instead, I wanted to maintain a healthy pregnancy. Even the chest pains were better. Time really did fly. I was better at driving but no matter how many times I begged Maurice and Shelly to let me drive they refused saying my bump was hindering the steering wheel. While waiting to see the doctor, Shelly looked a bit uncomfortable. She went on her phone, then she took up a magazine and skipped through a few pages then placed it back on the shelf.
“Hey are you ok?” I asked touching her hand.
“Yea. It a get close to birthing and I’m worried bout you J. You’ve been through a lot and now you’re going to birth twins.” Her concern was potent.
I squeezed her hand. “I’ll be ok Shell. I’m a fighter.”
“Yea me know.” She sighed. “J, I know you don’t want to talk about him but in all honesty do you miss him?”
I was so taken aback by her question that I couldn’t respond. I opened my mouth but no words came out. In that short moment I battled so many emotions, my mind was confused how to react to her, this girl who has been by my side even when I continuously asked her to go, this girl who was trying to help me find purpose. Before I could respond, the nurse called us in to see the doctor. My mind was in turmoil for my entire session, I barely responded to the questions the doctor asked . When she did my ultrasound I vaguely heard the words big, induce and labour and I snapped out of it.
“What?” I asked confused.
“The babies are too big Joanna. We’re going to have to send you to the hospital to be induced. You’re already so small I can’t allow the babies to grow any bigger inside you or you’re all going to be in danger.” I looked at the screen. I couldn’t believe how big they’ve gotten since my last visit. I was scared. I clutched at Shelly’s hand and squeezed as I began to shake. It was time to meet my babies.
“Everything is going to be ok Joanna. Go straight to the hospital and I’ll meet you there.” Dr. Mitchell smiled warmly at me as she assisted me to sit up.
“You’re going to be ok J. You’ve been through worse.” We were at the hospital and I was settled in a private room. Shelly was brushing back my natural curls like she always did, only now, there were way more curls to brush. I wanted to cut them but both her and Maurice loved my big curly hair. Maurice stood outside the door and Shelly sat next to me. I wish he was here. I missed him so much. He promised that he would never leave me on that first day I opened my eyes in the hospital, yet here I was about to give birth to his babies, and he was not here with me as he promised. By the time the nurse came in and administered the oxytocin to jumpstart my labour, it was late evening. Dr. Mitchell came after and assured me that she was on standby and it would take a couple hours and maybe a couple rounds before it started working.
“Shell?”
“Yea B. You ok?” she asked.
I nodded my head and forced a smile for her. “I do miss him. I miss him every single minute of every single day since I’ve been away from him.” I swallowed pass the tears that threatened. “Shell, he promised me that he would never leave me, he ‘got me’ he said, but here I am and where is he? I’m scared...” I was scared I would be in labour for hours which would trigger the awful chest pains to start again.
Shelly didn’t respond, she sighed and continued to smooth back my curls. Maybe she was scared too but she wanted to be strong for me. The real contractions started before dawn broke the next morning. I thought the chest pains were bad, and the pain I felt from all those beatings, but nothing could prepare me for childbirth.
“Shelly me cyah do it! Please help me!” I screamed as the pain lanced across my lower abdomen and in the small of my back. I clung to her hand and to a nurse’s.
“Ok Joanna push really hard. You can do this.” Dr. Mitchell coached.
“J, mi deh right here so, mi nah go nu weh! Please try.” Fueled by them and my eagerness to meet my babies, I pushed and pushed screaming as I did and out came my first little girl pink and screaming as if we disturbed her from her rest with her head full of jet black curls; her name Alyssa Elena. And moments later my second princess came, quite serene and unbothered looking identical to her sister; her name Alexa Sofia. Both girls weighed about 2.5 kilograms each. They cleaned them up and brought them to me for a few seconds before they whisked them off to the NICU.
I was exhausted but when I turned frightened questioning eyes to Dr. Mitchell as they tended to me, she assured me.
“Don’t worry Joanna, we took them early, so we want to make sure they’re lungs and other organs are fully functioning.” She said calmly. I let out a loud sigh and fell back on the bed my eyes drooping shut.
“You did it B,” Shelly said softly as she used a towel to wipe the sweat from my face. I could see the relief in her face. I smiled at her before my eyes drifted close and I fell asleep. My last thought being I wish Max was here.
There was soft talking around me, I heard Maurice’s strong Italian accent and Shelly.
“So Maurice you couldn’t tell me say the Boss wife a Leo daughter?” Shelly spoke softly but it seemed like they were right next to my bed.
“Everybody knows. The Godfather is as sly as a fox. He knew that fucker Leo was robbing him dry. He’s using his daughter to draw him out. Only child that one.” Leo said softly.
“A weh di raas yah tell me say? So that mean di boss nah fuck har den man.” It was so ironic that if it were Max in the room with me he would know the minute I was awake.
“More likely not. He seems…” I didn’t hear what Maurice’s response was.
“You see how dem two likkle girl de dead stamp a him. Mi pussyclaat! Dat a stamp, sealed and delivered.”
I opened my eyes and they stopped talking. “Hey.” I whispered. “Have you seen the babies?”
“Yea dem make we see them in the NICU. The doctor say them doing really well. She just wants them to stay overnight to be certain.” Shelly responded to me.
“I want to see them. Where’s Dr. Mitchell?” I started getting up but my body felt sore.
“B relax nuh please. The doctor say we fi call har when you wake.” Maurice left the room and shelly smoothed back my hair.
Dr. Mitchell and a male nurse walked in a few seconds later.
“How are you feeling Joanna?” She asked.
“Sore, thirsty, hungry, should I go on?” I said. “Can I see my girls please?”
“Yes! You can definitely see those beautiful baby girls of yours. Nurse Saunders here will take you to see them. I’ll keep them in the NICU overnight to keep an eye on them, though.” She pointed to the nurse and I noticed for the first time that he was staring at me. He was tall and dark with a nice smile.
“Your girls are beautiful, Joanna.” He said smiling at me. I saw when Shelly’s brows raised in surprise. “What would you like to eat?” He asked me. “I will order something…”
“She nuh eat hospital food. She good.” She snapped. This was amusing. She was behaving like Max. I almost burst out laughing. I would have if I wasn’t so sore.
“Ok. Well, you can call for me when you’re ready to go to the NICU.”
“I’m ready now.” I wanted to see my babies and I wanted to hold them against me.
“Ok. I’ll get you a wheelchair.” He left quickly. Shelly didn’t waste a minute.
“What a way da pussy de hot fi woman! Him a violate enu! Him nu see say a pickni you jus have!” She was genuinely angry. Maurice was also scowling.
“So is wah happen me nuffi have nu man? Something wrong wid me? There is nothing wrong with him. He’s a perfectly nice gentleman.” I said looking at them both. I know I wasn’t the least bit attracted to nurse Saunders but it felt good to be noticed.
“Mi Neva say nuttn me jus a say you jus have baby and him come even like a pussyclaat harbor shark!”
“I know what this is about. You want me to sit on a shelf and wait on your boss.” I couldn’t even bring myself to say his name.
“Why would you give up on him so quickly Ms. Joanna?” Maurice cut in. He rarely got involved, so I guess this was personal.
“Quickly?! I just had his babies! Where the fuck is he?!” I got no response. “That’s what I thought!”
The nurse came in just then and when he was about to assist me out of the bed Maurice scowled and moved forward helping me to sit up; and Shelly rapped a robe around my body. When I was settled in the wheelchair. The nurse looked at them both wearily, wondering if he was allowed to push the wheelchair.
“Can we go please, nurse?” I was smarting so I must have sounded snappy to him. He quickly took the handles and started wheeling me out and they followed silently. Both babies were in a large incubator and they were getting oxygen. I gasped quietly when I got my first good look at them together. Though their eyes were closed I could see they were identical to Max. The girls looked exactly alike except for a tiny mole on Alyssa’s right cheek. I really wanted to hold them but nurse Saunders said I couldn’t because of the oxygen. I reached my hand through the small incubator holding their little hands and told them mommy was here. Alyssa who seemed a little fussy immediately calmed clutching at my finger as I made my presence known to them. When she opened her eyes, they were a lighter brown to mine, almost hazel and Alexa’s were the same. I guess that’s all they had from me, a version of my eyes. They were beautiful.
“I promise I will personally take them to you tomorrow morning, Joanna.” Nurse Saunders smiled at me reassuring me and I smiled back at him to show my gratitude.
The rest of the night passed with the nurse appearing more often than not in my room to “check” on me and give me updates on the girls much to the annoyance of Shelly and Maurice. Maurice in particular who was unable to stop him from entering my room because I made it clear that he was welcome and allowed to do his job. Sigh...lying in the hospital bed brought back memories of Max climbing in the bed with me just to hold me. I hated thinking about him, it always made me cry. Shelly heard me sniffling in the middle of the night where she rested on the chaise lounge in the room.
“J, what’s wrong? You in pain?” She asked anxiously.
“No, no I’m ok. I’m sorry I woke you.” The room was dimly lit so I could see her worried features.
“It’s ok I wasn’t sleeping...J, I know this is rough for you but please take it easy.”
“Shelly I hate him!” I sobbed in frustration. “He said so many mean things to me...I’m an embarrassment to him, I was a sex slave...how can I still love him?” Her eyes widened when I told her the things Max said but as usual she chose not to get involved.
“What if the family tried to take my babies away from me?!”
“The heart operate separately from the brain J. Now you have two beautiful little girls to call your own. You will love them and they will love you because you’re going to be a wonderful queen mother. I doubt they would try to take the girls, J. Give them some credit. Nu watch nu face enu B, yu a still queen roun here.” She hugged me. I took comfort from her but I know I will never be his queen. I drifted off to sleep thinking of my babies.
