He never brought up the marriage proposal again. In fact, he said very little to me but he was always present, though he refused to touch me in an intimate way. The one thing I really needed. I don’t know if it was him or the pregnancy hormones but I wanted him so badly. I didn’t believe that he was actually refusing me so I waited up for him to come to bed. When he climbed into the bed I snuggled close to him and he pulled away. I followed him and tried to climbed on top of him and he lifted my body like it was nothing and placed me on my side of the bed. I wasn’t deterred, so I tried again and this time he got up and walked out of the room, leaving me to sleep alone. My first taste of rejection and it hurt like a motherfucker. He disappeared at night but the house was swarming with his soldiers. I guess he wasn’t taking any chances. I’m surprised he even left the house at all things considered.
My baby bumped popped up out of no where by the time I hit the 4 month mark. And as the bump grew so did my hormones. I was horny, jealous and angry. That morning he took me to my doctor’s appointment and as usual he ignored me as if I didn’t exist. Dr. Frederick was really sweet and she warned me not to overdo things because she wanted my blood pressure to remain at the normal rate that it was. He didn’t speak at the Dr’s office he remained silent and brooding.
That night I stood at the dressing table after my bath and stared at myself in the mirror. My features hadn’t changed with the pregnancy, the only visible changes were my rounded belly and my breasts that had grown at least a cup size. What happened? Why didn’t he want me anymore? ‘The novelty is gone’ a voice said in my head. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat at how alone and utterly rejected I felt. I guess he was filling his nights with Monique now. A man like him could not go without sex for so long. Blind rage rose in me at the thought of Monique sucking his dick and of the photos that I saw with him grabbing her ass and the raw lust in his eyes. I never told him about those photos, I buried the memory of them in the deepest, darkest part of my psyche; but now here they were rising like the flames of hell clouding my rational thought and judgement.
I went to my closet and flung it open. Without thinking I grabbed a black skin fitting dress and a pair of black stiletto sandals. I got dressed and topping my look with black eyeliner and dark brown matte lipstick. Let’s see if top shotta was in his lair at Candy Fantasies. I grabbed a black clutch and the keys to my BMW. My mom and Lincoln were already in bed, the soldiers had orders to go with me wherever I was going not to stop me.
When my feet hit the last step of the stairs I saw over 10 men in the living room; and they all stood upon my entrance. All eyes were on me, some mouths gaping. I walked to the door and held the handle.
“Miss Leah...” one of the men started but I turned giving him a scathing look cutting him off. He continued anyway, “where...where you going? Sorry miss... but the boss orders say we mustn’t make you leave the house.” He was stuttering. If I wasn’t so full of rage I probably would have had pity on him.
“Try and stop me,” I knew none of them would dear touch me, so their best bet was to accompany me wherever I was going. I opened the door and walked out. Men started shuffling behind me whispering. I just heard the words “him ago kill we”.
By the time I sat in my white BMW 7 series and drove through the remote controlled gate two identical black BMWs sped before me and two stayed behind. I wasn’t sure if Nick was at Candy Fantasies, I wasn’t sure what I would see when I got there or what I would say but blind rage and hormones fueled me. The men must have realized where I was going because I drove behind them straight to the club. When we pulled up infront of Candy Fantasies one white BMW between four black, all eyes were on us. Before I could open my door, one of the men ran to the car and opened my door. As soon as I stepped inside the club flanked by Neeko’s soldiers, the whispers started.
I saw Marsha at the bar and decided to greet her. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in a while. “Bomboclaat a you dat Lee! Yu pregnant?!” She said excitedly. “What a way the high end fit yu! Yu look good gal!” I smiled a small smile. If only she knew how little I wanted of this ‘life’. Nobody recognized me but her, but they all recognized Neeko’s men. “So how di big man leave you outta him sight?”
“Mi couldn’t come here and nuh come link yu.” I said donning a perfect mask and hugging her. “Mi wi call you soon alright”. I said as I walked toward the VIP area, the men in tow. I didn’t wait for her reply, the rage in me was boiling.
We entered VIP easily as the men recognized each other. I saw widened eyes and gaping mouth as I walked pass them and toward Neeko’s area. The two blocking the entrance to his area eyes almost popped when they saw me; but they didn’t stop me they moved aside and I walked in and there he was standing with a vodka glass in his hand and Monique touching him and rubbing her body all over him. The music was loud and he seemed quite focused so he didn’t see me as I stood there watching them. The men shuffled uncomfortably and those who came with me stood off to the side clearly afraid of what would happen to them.
The movement of the men caught his eye and he looked up and our eyes locked. The sound of my heart in my ears was louder than the music that was playing in the club. His eyes widened infinitesimally, I could see it even in the dimly lit space. Maybe to everybody else he didn’t react to my presence, but I knew his body language. When Monique saw me she was clearly startled. She jumped with fright, her eyes widening and her hand flying to her chest as if she saw a ghost. I was trying really hard to tap my rage down. I kept reminding myself that I was pregnant. I walked a little closer to them.
“Enjoying yourself?” I asked him as calmly as I could. We continued to stare at each other. His eyes moved over my body and back to my eyes. When he did that I almost lost what little composure I had.
“Wah you a do ya Gypsie?!” Monique said to me.
“What did you call me?!” I asked her shock registering on my face that she knew I was Gypsie.
“Bloodclaat a wah yu tink me nuh kno say a you a Gypsie?” Her face contorted into a sinister smile and she turned to Neeko placing her hand on his chest, “Neeko boss dis a di stripper gal weh dance fi yu di night! Nu mek she fool yu, she nu come from nu weh!”
The men around Neeko and I started reaching for their weapons when she started talking to me. She was so engrossed in her moment of pride that she didn’t notice what was happening around her and she continued. “Mi tink di bwoy weh come in ya come ask mi fi yu deal wid yu raas case! When me neva see yu come back mi glad yu fuck cause yu just a come and yu waah come work my ends!” Now the rage spilled over and before I could stop myself or anyone could stop me my right had connected with the side of her face with all the pent up rage and strength I had in me, not once, but twice. One of Neeko’s men held me back and another held her at her throat and put his gun to her temple. All the rage I felted spilled out in tears. All the hell I went through was because of her! My baby and I could have died because she was jealous of me giving him a lap dance that he asked for?!!!
I didn’t need pictures to show me what I saw for myself tonight. He left me in bed wanting him and he ran to her every fucking night. I shook off the man that held me and rushed out of the VIP lounge. I didn’t wait to see what would happen nor did I care. I didn’t look back as I walked through the door and into my car and sped away. I wished to God I had somewhere else to go. I checked my rear view and no cars followed me. I decided not to drive back to the house but I went directly to my university campus. The library was opened 24 hours so people were always there studying. I sped into the closest parking lot to the library and turned off the lights and I cried openly. I felt like the last piece of my heart finally gave way and I no longer felt the will to live. That same hopelessness I felt when I was kidnapped came flooding back and held my head on the steering wheel and caught a glimpse of my growing bump and cried some more because I realized that giving up on life was no longer an option.
With the first light of morning I was weak and bereft of tears. I started the ignition and drove back to mommy and Lincoln. When I drove up the long driveway I noticed that a few of the cars were missing. My feet were swollen and I had a massive headache. I took off the heels and padded barefoot into the house. The house was in chaos, men were everywhere. I looked neither to the left nor the right I headed up the stairs.
“Leah!” Nick called after me but I continued up the stairs. I met my mother at the top of the stairs. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.
“Lee mi think somebody kidnap you again.” She hugged me.
“No mommy, I just needed some space to think. I’m ok.” I walked with her to her room. She didn’t comment on my swollen eyes.
“Lee remember you pregnant, you have to be careful and take it easy.”
“Yes mommy.” Lincoln was still asleep and crawled into the bed and snuggled next to him. “I didn’t know where to go so I went on campus and sat in the car.”
“Leah, you know you have to be extra careful after what happened and the man dem still out de,” she pleaded sitting beside me.
“Ok mommy, I promise I’ll be more careful. You should go eat and come take your medicine. I’ll just lay here with Lincoln.” I wanted her to leave so I could be alone. The moment she left the tears started again. My life was forever a mess, one glimpse of happiness and just like that it was gone. I fell asleep on my mother’s pillow thinking about possible ways to take care of my family.
When I opened my eyes, I was in Nick’s room and wearing his t- shirt. My head was pounding. I prayed it was just a normal headache and my blood pressure was not elevated. He sat on the bed beside me staring down at me. I’m not sure how long I slept, but it seemed as if it was almost evening when I woke up.
“How do you feel?” I didn’t answer because there’s no way he could be talking to me.
“Look, what you saw in the club last night was not what you were thinking.” I still did not respond. Every night he left me wanting him while he went to the club to fool around with Monique?! The same person that could have caused me and my baby to die. Did he really expect me to say something to him right now? “You always quick fi accuse me of stuff Leah! It’s fucking tiring!”
“Accuse you Neeko?! I saw pictures of her all over your dick! And you grabbing her ass! I guess I’m not sexy enough for you right? I don’t turn you on anymore right? You kept rejecting me everytime I tried to touch you as if my touch repulsed you! Go be with her Neeko and stay away from me and my baby! She never said it better, I’m a little stripper weh nu come from nu weh!” These fucking tears would not stay away no matter how hard I tried.
“Yow stop yu raas foolishness! This baby is as much yours as it is mine! I will be a father to it whether or not you want me to! I don’t see where you have a choice in that!”
“So I guess there is nothing left to talk about then. I have nothing more to say to you, and you should have nothing more to say to me.” I turned my back to him at that. I don’t know how long he stayed there, but he never said another word. I felt the sting of rejection and betrayal deep in my soul and man it stung like a motherfucker!
At nights he slept next to me, but he never tried to touch me and I didn’t try to touch him. He was present at all my doctor’s appointments and consulted with the doctor about the baby. He even talked to my baby bump when he thought I was sleeping. Sometimes he even sang to it; but he made no attempt to touch me whatsoever.
After the first trimester passed, I felt way better, the nausea had disappeared and I could eat and go back to school. The pregnancy hormones were a bitch though. When I wasn’t crying for absolutely no reason, I was angry for no reason and I was even more horny. My baby bump seemed to grow out of nowhere; one day I was barely showing and the next my belly was like a watermelon protruding from my clothes. Of course nothing I had could fit anymore and the ‘master’ had my wardrobe overhauled again. I didn’t feel in any way sexy; all my body parts grew making me feel like a morbidly obese monster. Instead of ankles I now had ‘cankles’. I looked and felt disgusting. His avoidance of me made me feel even worse.
He still left the house late every evening and my mind kept telling me that he was at Candy Fantasies with Monique riding his dick. Blind rage rose up in me but I did my best to tap it down, I didn’t want my baby feeling those kinds of emotions coming from me. The baby often got restless when I wasn’t emotionally calm.
I had to do summer school to make up for the time I lost, so that meant extra classes and extra studying. I was never left by myself at any point, there were at least four men in my presence at any time if Nick was not around. His soldier, who took a liking to Lincoln spoke to me from time to time. I learned that his name was Calvin, and that he had a son with severe autism like Lincoln, that’s why he knew how to handle Lincoln. He told me about his son who was enrolled in the same program as the one Nick enrolled Lincoln in, which was working great for him. Nick walked in on us talking in the den one evening while the other guys stood listening. I was studying that evening as I had final exams.
“Wah a gwaan ya so?” He spoke directly to Calvin who scrambled away from me quickly.
“I thought you needed to study,” he said, not talking to me directly but looking from me to Calvin and the other soldiers.
I ignored him, but Calvin and the other soldiers apologized. I turned my attention back to my books. I was sitting on the carpet, my back to the long sofa. I was now 8 months along and having some trouble with my lower back and my groin. Dr. Fredrick said the baby was too big for my small frame. The one thing we agreed on was to keep the sex of the baby unknown until the baby was born.
“You know you don’t need to be in here on the floor right?” I kept my eyes pinned to my books not acknowledging his presence. I heard the footsteps of the men leaving. Shit! They were leaving which means I had to pack up and leave. I closed my laptop and the books spread around me and put them on the sofa. Getting up was going to be hard. Why was I so huge?! I put my hands on the ground and tried lifting my body but it was no use. He walked over to me and extended his hand. I gave him the most disgusted look I could conjure and kept trying on my own. I finally reached behind me and grabbed the cushions of the sofa and pulled myself up an inch at a time until my bottom landed on the sofa. Maybe it would be easier to get up from the height of the sofa. There was always somebody there to assist me, I’ve never had to try to get up on my own. I wonder if Ms. Claudia was nearby?
“You would rather cause harm to yourself and the baby because of your stupid stubborn ways!” He was angry, but fuck him and his anger. Why was he even angry. He’s not had a single conversation with me since that morning. It’s as if I didn’t exist, I felt like a fixture in his house. Sure, sometime when I woke up in the mornings or from a nap he was there with his cheek on my stomach or whispering or sing to the baby, but that was as far as it went. I wanted to leave his stupid house so badly but we didn’t have anywhere to go. Why is he acknowledging my presence now?
“Ok, now I’m stupid. Another thing to add to your list. Why are you even talking to me?” I said as calmly as I could. My groin hurt so I decided to sit a minute before trying to get up again. I closed my eyes and held on to the spot under my baby bump, my breathing was heavy. The baby started moving, maybe feeling my distress. “It’s ok baby, mommy’s ok.” I rubbed my bump and spoke softly to the baby. “My baby doesn’t like it when I’m upset could you please leave me alone?” I tried to stay calm but I think things were coming to the surface and I could no longer hold them back.
“What? What the fuck have I ever done to you?” Maybe my anger helped but I was able to struggle to my feet.
“You’ve been treating me like a fucking leper all these months! Why the fuck are you even in here now?! Why are you talking to me?! Yes, I know my family and I are a burden to you and yes that includes my baby too! I didn’t ask to be your fucking charity case! I would have been waiting tables to take care of my family! Any fucking thing would have been better than what I’ve had to endure in this house! Yes, know I’m the fucking whore who slept with you and got myself pregnant! Yes, I accept it! I accept that I’m nothing but the stripper gal from Candy Fantasies weh nu come from nu weh! I’m not trying to be in your way, I don’t like feeling like your burden so please do me a favor and keep fucking avoiding me!” The baby started moving vigorously and the groin pains got sharper.
“Ahhhh” I cried crouching over and holding onto my bump as a sharp pain lanced across my groin and lower back. He was by my side in a millisecond.
“Leah, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t fucking touch me motherfucker!” I growled through the pain. Miss Claudia heard my cry and came rushing into the den but stopped short when she saw Nick.
“Miss Claudia can you help me, please?” Tears sprang to my eyes from the pain.
“Miss Claudia grab the hospital bag upstairs!” He growled at Miss Claudia and lifted me effortlessly in his arms, taking long strides toward the door.
“No, don’t touch me! I can walk you ass!” I was screaming through the pain. “Ahhhhh!!!!” I screamed again as another pain lanced into my lower back. I may have well been talking to a stone wall, he ignored my feeble fists hitting his chest. “I don’t need to go to the hospital I just need to lie down!” I said, but to no avail because he continued toward the car.
Two men jumped into the front of the SUV and Nick and I went into the back; and three men drove into the car behind us.
“Leah, relax please.” He was tense and he looked genuinely worried.
I was moaning through the pain that was bolting across my stomach and lower back. I was kneeling on the floor of the SUV. He called Dr. Fredrick and told her what was happening and that we were on our way to the hospital and she told him she would be there waiting for us.
Everything happened in a blur when we got to the hospital. When Dr. Fredrick checked me she said I was in premature labour and she wasn’t sure I could have the baby naturally because of how big it was and the baby was in the breach position.
“Her heart rate as well as the baby’s heart rate is falling. We have to get her into surgery now.” I heard Dr. Frederick speaking softly to Nick. His eyes were worried as he signed the authorization forms. I was prepped quickly and rushed into theatre, Nick donned scrubs and was brought in with me. As much as I didn’t want him to touch me, I clung to his hands for the first time in months. I was scared. I prayed for death many days, but I no longer wanted to die I wanted to meet my baby.
The light above me was bright and I could hear the sound of the machines that monitored my heart and breathing. Nick’s large hands clung to mine. Either I was trembling or he was trembling. The sound of the doctor’s voices kept going in and out. I focused my attention on the white light above the operating table to take my mind off all the tugging and pulling that was going on in my abdomen.
“Here we go!” Dr. Fredricks said excitedly as I felt one big tug and the undeniable cry of a baby pierced the room. “You have beautiful baby boy guys!” She said as she brought my screaming baby to my chest.
There he was pink and wailing, my baby boy. Tears embedded and flowed from my eyes as the doctor put him close to my body. All the months of tears, tension and stress slipped away from my body and I felt light. They took him to the side to clean him up but his crying started getting lower and lower, the doctors in the theatre sounded distant and I could hear Nick calling my name from a distance.
“Leah!”
“I love you,” was all I could say before the darkness engulfed me.
…………………………..
“Pussy move if you waah dead,” a deep voice said quietly. He had hidden himself successfully for months, living under the cellar of an abandoned house. He picked up scraps of vegetables and fruits that were thrown in the garbage heap at the market for food. He grew his beard and his clothes was tattered to disguise himself as a mad man. Today he was walking back from the market with his ‘food’ but he saw a lady buying goods and a hundred dollar bill fell from her purse. He stood at the corner of a broken down building watching to make sure she didn’t notice so he could snatch it quickly and just as he was about to move toward the money, he felt the cold tip of a gun pressing in the back of his skull. When the man slowly walked around him, he laughed loudly alerting his other friends.
“Wait! Nu you name Mark?! Bomboclaat! Wi rich now! Top shotta have a bounty pan yu head! Him want yu dead or alive!”
“Please sir anu me name Mark,” he said shaking.
“Nah man! A him man! Mek we shave off di beard and match di face to di picture weh a go roun!” Another jumped in baring his knife. He walked toward Mark and one man held his head while he used his knife to scrape the matted hair from Mark’s face.
“See di picture ya.” He pulled his cellphone from his pocket and showing a picture with Mark’s face and reward of $500,000 if found dead or alive.
“Yow! Mi tell uunu say a him!” The first man said excitedly to his two friends.
“Pussyclaat wi rich ya now! Mi a personally deliver yu head inna one special box, pussy!” The first man said.
“But mi neva do nutting! A lie dem a tell pan mi! And me turn Christian now.” Mark cried frantically.
“All di betta fi yu pussyhole!” The first man said as he released the lock on his pistol and pulled back the trigger…
…………………………….
I didn’t like the darkness. I could hear a little, but I could not see at all. I heard crying. I don’t know who was crying. Was it mommy? Was it Lincoln?
“Leah, baby I’m so sorry for everything I put you through. Please come back to me. We have a son baby, I named him Liam because he looks so much like you. You need to see him. Come back for our son baby, please. He needs you. I need you…”
“Nick? Nick I’m here!” It was so dark, I couldn’t see him but I could hear his sobs. My great Norse-god was crying? I was calling but he couldn’t seem to hear me. He continued crying.
“Baby, my life begins and ends with you. Please! I know I did this to you. If you die, I will die too, you cant leave me Lee, please baby,” he was sobbing loudly. “I meant it when I said I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my world, you are my all. Nothing else matters but you and our baby. You are stronger than this. You’ve fought through so much before please, please please fight for us. You are the only person who has ever dared to fight me, so I need you to fight for me now baby! When you saw me at the club with Monique I was trying to get information from her without having to torture her. Baby, I’m changing the way I do things for you and our family. I love you so much, Leah. The love I have for you and our son far exceeds the stars in the universe, baby please. I would do anything to take your place.” He cried deep, heart wrenching sobs.
How do I get back to him? I want him. I love him. I was lost in a cloud of darkness and I could hear no more.
My eyes fluttered open. The light was way too bright. I had to close them again. I couldn’t move. Moving was impossible. My arms and legs were heavy. I had to try opening my eyes again I needed to see my baby and Nick. Where was my baby? My eyes fluttered open again. This time I blinked several times to adjust to the light, that darkness is no joke. I don’t want to go back.
“Leah?!” Nick said excitedly. I could hear him, but I didn’t see him. “Nurse get the doctor she’s awake!”
He came into my focus, he was smiling but his eyes were swollen and red.
“Hi.” He said softly lifting my hands and placing it on his jaw. He had a beard. My brows furrowed as I focused my gaze on his eyes. Molten silver. Those eyes. This was my master puppeteer Norse-god. He rubbed his jaw into my palm and I could feel the warmth of his skin and I smiled.
“Baby?” I croaked my brows furrowing again. Dr. Frederick came in before he could respond.
“Welcome back Leah! You gave us quite a scare. You’re in the ICU, but I’m happy you’re awake.” She used a small light to look into my eyes and she checked my vital signs. “All looks stable.” She smiled down at me but I only had eyes for him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I know I heard him crying.
“Baby?” I croaked again. My throat was super parched as if I hadn’t had water for weeks.
“Your baby is doing well! He’s growing bigger everyday!” She said as she listened to my breath sounds with her stethoscope. “You can see him later today. We’ll move you to a normal room. It’s good to have you back after two weeks, you’re such a strong, brave girl.” She squeezed my hand gently.
“Can I have water?” I croaked. Talking was really difficult.
“Just a few sips. I’ll send the nurse in with a cup for you.” She walked out leaving Nick and I with the beeping machines.
“Lee, remember when I said I don’t know if I should spank you or worship at your feet? I choose to worship at your feet you brave, beautiful goddess.” He bent over and kissed my forehead, then he knelt by my bedside holding my hand.
The nurse came in and handed him the cup of water and he gave me a few sips. It felt good going down my parched throat.
“Thank you,” I told him when I was finished.
“No, thank you for coming back to me and our son.”
“Did you mean it?” I asked him softly. My croak turned into a whisper.
“Mean what baby?” He asked looking at me.
“Everything you said about loving me and our son and needing me?”
“You could hear me?” He asked looking a little embarrassed.
“I think so…” He cut me off.
“Yes! I meant every word and I can say it to you again if you want. Leah Williams, my world begins and ends with you. Where you go, I go. If you die, I die with you. I love you beyond what my mind can comprehend.”
“I love you, too.” I said sincerely. And he raised my hand and kissed my fingers.
I smiled, my eyes drooping as sleep overtook me once again. When I woke up again I was in a normal room and Nick was holding the baby.
“Leah, meet your twin, our son, Liam.” I smiled up at him as I got my first good look at my baby boy.
“Hi baby,” I said softly as he wiggled in my arms. He seemed to recognize my voice because he opened his eyes at the sound and snuggled closer to my breast. Nick was right, he did look like me, the shape of his face, his nose, his chin, forehead and hair; but he had Neeko’s piecing grey eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at him. He was perfect like his father. Tears brimmed and flowed from my eyes. I looked up at Nick at that moment realizing I had everything I needed, “Yes,” I said to him.
“Yes?” He asked.
“Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
He smiled, leaned down and his sweet lips touched mine for the first time in months. I loved this man and I took joy from the fact that he loved me too.
THE END