"You only live once." I too prefer "carpe diem." In my haste to agree and reply, somehow I missed reading the second to last line of your message! I led my reply with: We should only die once. We live every day. At least, we have the opportunity to do so. I think the way many of us live our lives, we die a little bit every day. Perhaps it's a form of fear: a low-level discomfit, a growing awareness of wasting our time, our lives, a fear of irrelevance, of inadequacy? There are probably as many ways to die inside as there are people on the planet.

So, we numb ourselves with the distraction of shiny things. And Netflix. In my case, I poured myself into work; that is where I felt competent. I, too, was a freelance consultant learning some bad habits over the ten years I was self-employed, and I carried them into my employer's work when I got a job. If I was awake, I was working. Sometimes it paid off very well; other times it most certainly did not. That's a story for another day, and on the bright side, I did develop a useful work ethic that I'm now actually attempting to keep in balance with the rest of life.

I've no room for the kind of "workless wealth" which yields no benefit beyond oneself. That's a downward spiral into a useless life. I could be happy with having enough income to be able to do something I truly love that doesn't feel like work, even though the doing might require great effort, indeed, but whatever I do, it must have meaning. It comes down to the "why", doesn't it? When I'm lying on my deathbed, looking up at the ceiling, I know what kind of thoughts I want to be having, and what kind I don't. I want to smile on recalling that I did my best, that I made a difference to others. I know I'll pain at the knowledge of all my missed opportunities to bring true value to others, to have not helped when I could.

I don't have answers; it's clear I'm still trying to "figure it out" myself. I don't presume to know you well enough to give actionable advice (not that you're asking for any) to generate more income without draining yourself, but I can say I understand to some degree what you feel. Heh, I could probably give a lot of advice on what not to do!

I know that whatever you do, you will "Carpe diem!" You have a talent for writing, a talent that with much practice you have transformed into a skill. That should remain central to the value you bring to your customers.