Last week, on my whatsapp status, I wrote that it's okay to be confused. We don't always have everything figured out. That, truth is the revealer of all things true. In due time, we would know what to do. They are thoughts I've had in me for a couple of years. Please permit me to say that later in the future I'll write a book on "TIME". I'm already gathering my materials. I had to say that so that in the future, I'll reference this post.
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This week, my most favourite rapper in CHH, Andy Mineo, released his latest EP titled : "The arrow". He is someone I relate with on a deep level. Though, I don't have the full EP yet. I've been listening to his song called Clarity and it has been hitting me on all sides. More beautiful is that it is in line with my thoughts about confusion; as though we both have similar thought patterns.
We feel that spiritual maturity involves always having answers to everything. I do apologetics. I give answers to some of life's most complicated questions, but I'm sincere enough to know that no one knows enough. We feel it's weakness not to know what to do in certain confusing situations. We quickly quote : "God is not the author of confusion" as an affirmation or route to escape cloudy moments. We feel since we are sons; are like him, we shouldn't be confused at any points of our faith walk.
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I think we don't really understand that verse properly. There's nothing wrong in being confused at times. There are dark moments. There are moments one would feel lost. There are moments everything you ever think you know about God, theology, faith, the bible would crash right in front of your eyes. Nothing makes sense.
At these moments just keep walking. You've not strayed. It's all part of the script. "God not being the author of confusion" isn't to makes us feel we've missed it somewhere or we aren't representing God properly. It is just a verse taken out of context. Paul quoted that verse to address disorganisation in the church in Corinth about the ministration in the gifts of the Holy Spirit among members.
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Don't freeze. You're not weak because you don't have answers to some questions nor a blueprint for navigating your way out of a storm. It isn't a crime to doubt. Doubt is not a sinful reaction. It's true doubt that draws us to God. I'm not talking about skepticism. Skeptics are usually not true with themselves about most things. To them it's a self defense mechanism not to give in to any belief sometimes, even at the clear explanation and affirmation of certain things. But the true doubter somewhat becomes closer to God. In the Clarity track, Madeleine L'engle who was an author, said something significant, she said "The second I'm furious with God, I'm totally close (sic: close to him). Because you cannot be furious with somebody who's not there."
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Most often, we teach about how Peter stopped focusing on Jesus and started sinking. We forget that most likely he also walked on water back to the boat with Jesus. We forget that, it's part of the path. We sometimes fail to realise that there must be cloudy moments. Moments when God's picture in our view becomes hazy. These are the moments when true maturity is cultivated. Moments when we come to higher revelation of who Christ is. When Andy said: "The opposite of faith ain't doubt. It's when I get it all figured out." At the hearing of this, I leaped for joy. It's been a while I heard any sermon that I got impacted by. I found true impact in a rap song by a honest christian. It was all much more clear, part of true faith's path sometimes is doubt. The true opposite of faith is when we have everything figured out, not honest doubt.
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There's an infinite assurance of us always winning. Though, I may not be able to paint how the victory in God looks like, since there's no pattern to it. One thing I know about victory is that the aim of everything will always be fulfilled in our lives; all is intentional.
