You know what God wants from you ... how can you deny yourself? You feel that your resistance to His call comes entirely from self-love Will you allow your pride to grow and invent more naive excuses? with the mere purpose of refusing the mercy of God? You apply too many moral principles to your vagabond thoughts ... just learn to ignore them. You confess things that you would do better to ignore.
However, the fact that you continually resist the Holy Spirit does not It worries you at all. Is it because God does not think it's right give you what you want, and the way you want it?
Self-interest and pride make you reject the gifts of God because they do not come with the tie that is your taste. How will you be able to pray? What is God telling you in the recesses of your spirit? The only thing He asks is death, but you do not want anything other than life. How can you ask him to answer a sentence the way you want it to be answered?
Does it matter if you receive the gifts of grace in the manner that a beggar receives bread? This will not make the gifts less pure or less precious. Receive with humility the sweet grace that God wants to give you.
