Living in uncertainty is, in many parts of the world, the only constant, the only certainty. As paradoxical as it may sound, it tends to be that way. In my case, it is a race for survival. I live in a country that is headline news in almost every media outlet around the world. Where trying not to have worries comes down to one of two possible options: ignoring a reality that is impossible to avoid, or accepting that reality and adapting to it. I will be honest, I can’t do either. What I would like to admit today is the ability to find direction amid the absolute chaos of my life.
I am not at war or in an armed conflict, but the problem is evident. We can all see it, feel it, and it affects us in total ways. Now, do you know what is difficult to stop feeling? Hope. I don’t know if I suffer from some kind of anxiety or from an uncontrollable urge to do nothing, but sometimes the need for stimulation overwhelms me in ways I am not capable of explaining with words. This post was born as the culmination of my latest walk through my city, to calm my impulses and at the same time give an artistic meaning to the accumulation of sensations I carry inside me.
Is it emotion, joy, fear, yes, even more fear? I don’t have the answers. In this community, about a year ago, I read the confession of a girl who felt an overwhelming need to describe the healing of abandonment that grief causes. The way she did it impacted me so deeply that, more than a year later, it could be said that this post is partially inspired by her catharsis. Her description and uncontrollable desire to express her existentialism. She did not intend to give moral lessons or tell you what to do or not do.
She simply described how the lack of understanding of a phenomenon that has never been experienced automatically leads to undervaluing the magnitude of what is being lived. Stop for a moment to analyze that statement, it is powerful. Yesterday I stopped to talk with my partner, and we were discussing the possibility of a future for my daughter. She is ten years old today, right now. In my mind, she is still a beautiful, defenseless baby who needs my protection like a jealous mother. But objectively, her growth and development are becoming more and more evident.
Which leads me to think about her future, her possibilities, her hopes and dreams. I hope I can provide her with the stability so that she can pave her own path and overcome the statistics and negative possibilities that overwhelm our population, especially the youngest. From the ashes toward a better destination, that is the lesson I want her to recognize and respect. If you will, my legacy from mother to daughter, from woman to woman; from loving to being loved. I hope I am up to the task. I hope I am capable of giving everything I did not have and could not have. Not only in the human sense, but I also hope our country gives us a little less uncertainty and a bit more calm, certainty, and a “better destination.” For her, for all the children of today who will be adults tomorrow. I hope.
