So here I am tagged in another one of these pain in the dupa steemit challenges, this time by my hated arch nemesis good friend @bethalea. Why she has to bother me instead of one of her 7 or 8 steemit husbands I don't know. Probably has something to do with me puking all over Team Schlepic. Anyway let's get this shit over with and remember if you aren't entertained by this feel free to #blamebeth.

@bethalea had a picture of herself from her youth on her post, so not to be outdone here is an old picture of me from my drinking days in 2000. For the record, I drank all the Pabst but that is my wussy friend Jason's bottle of wine. In case your not aware of how much of a redneck I am, this picture is proudly displayed on my fridge.

1. What three meals would you have before heading to the International Space Station?

This question is too contrived. Why not just say what do you like to eat? I'm not going to space.

Kielbasa, ribs, pierogies and cole slaw. Three times. Maybe throw in some scrapple with breakfast.

2. What section of the newspaper would you be in?

This questions presumes I've never been in the paper before. HA! Front page baby, picture too. No, it wasn't for being arrested, but if I were in your shoes that's what I would think.

I'm going to be serious for a change and explain. My uncle Joe is mentally retarded. My family is very fortunate that one of the few state institutions in PA for retarded individuals is located in our hometown. Literally a mile down the road from my house. 20 years ago or so, idiotic governor tom ridge thought closing these institutions would be a good way to try to balance the budget. My initial response was to drive to Harrisburg and beat the ever loving shit out of him. Fortunately (unfortunately?) I was talked out of that.

Instead my family along with many others affected by this news organized a campaign to bury this nonsense. A newspaper reporter and photographer came to one of the meetings we held in my family's restaurant for a front page headline story. Who else were they going to take a picture of, didn't you see how handsome I am from the picture above? (Sorry, I forgot I am being serious) Anyway they took a very nice picture for the paper of my uncle Joe along with myself (Chops), my mother (BeeBee), my brother (Shifty), my aunt (Twinkle) and my grandmother (Mocky). Yes everyone in my family has a nickname.

Long story short, too late, they didn't end up closing our local center, although some others that didn't receive the same kind of support were shut down. One of the many reasons I hate politicians. For the record, I know the kind of things people think about when they hear state run institution, but our local center is well run (usually) and does quite a bit to make sure the residents receive the help they require and keeps them involved with the local community. Believe me, my grandmother would beat them senseless with her wooden spoon if they mistreated my uncle in any way.

OK, done being serious. I hate being serious.

3. If you were immortal, at what age would you choose to stop aging and why?

Physically? Mentally? Metaphysically? Too ambiguous.

Physically 21, when I still had good knees and a healthy liver. Glorious sideburns too. Mentally I'm pretty sure I stopped aging at 16. You have to get older, you can be immature forever according to the great Larry Andersen. I know you have no clue who Larry Andersen is but trust me he is priceless.

4. What sport would you compete in, if you were in the Olympics?

Beer drinking. Bringing home the Gold!

5. If you had to go back in time to live the rest of your life, where/when would you go?

Where? Right here where I am now. If I didn't like it I wouldn't live here.
When? I'd go back to the seventies and follow bands like Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Motorhead and AC/DC around. Like my parents should have took me on the road back then. Never saw Zeppelin, I'm not that freaking old. Only got to see the others when they were old farts. To see them in their primes would have been awesome.

6. If time and money were no barrier, what would you create?

Who am I, Einstein? Even if I had endless time and money I'm still not a genius. I don't have the engineering background to create anything noteworthy. I'd use the money to pay off somebody smarter than me to create something. Meanwhile I'd kick back and work on emptying cans for my beeramid.

7. Have you ever completed anything on your bucket list?

I don't have a bucket list. I take life as it goes. Next.

8. What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable?

Finding Bigfoot.

9. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

What a stupid question. Once again it presumes I'm a witch. Let's see, according to the discord channel for the

@spl I'm an angel. Like Satan I guess, isn't he the angel of light? So I'm not a witch I'm an angel. Good or bad? That's a matter of perspective. I think I'm good, but what I think is good many people find bad. Like the song says, "I'm so bad baby I don't care". Lemmy always knew the right thing to say.

10. If you had to teach a class on one thing, what would it be?

I have so much I could teach, I couldn't possibly narrow it down. How to be a functioning alcoholic. How to properly chew tobacco and spit like a champ. How to make pierogies. What music you should be listening to. How to beat Team Schlepic for the SPL Team Up Title. Why the Dallas Cowboys are America's Team. How to grow and care for glorious facial hair. How to explain to your girlfriend/wife why she needs to get a penicillin shot for your kidney infection.

I'm a freakin' fountain of knowledge.

11. Which band/artist - dead or alive - would play at your funeral?

Just one? I'd have an entire Ozzfest type line-up. My family would shit, they like country music. It's so embarrassing. My friends would get a good mosh pit going.

If it could only be one, it has to be the greatest band of all time: BLACK SABBATH!
Slayer would open the show. (Have to have an opening band right?)

12. What book/movie recently read/seen would you recommend and why?

Recently? I rarely go to the movies anymore, Hollywood sure pumps out crap. I do enjoy superhero movies, at least some of them. Most of the movies I like are from the 60's-80's era. I like to laugh so watch a Monty Python movie, either Holy Grail or Life of Brian. I've seen them so many times but they still get me laughing like a loon.

Books? I read a lot of books, mostly about sports or history or biographies of people I find interesting. I'd recommend anything written by late comedian George Carlin. I laugh out loud reading his stuff.

That was a lot of questions. Was it worth your time to read? Do you care? Do I care? Does anybody care? Probably not, but I digress. Now comes the time I am supposed to nominate somebody else to do this stupid homework assignment. I nominate my poker pal @davor27 since he is always tagging me for this kind of stuff and my steemit friend @generikat because I think she likes this kind of thing and she always makes me laugh.