It's sad most of our parents paint pictures of themselves as being angels right from their childhoods. It's sad they deny children stories of the bumps and potholes they'd really faced overcoming some of the obstacles those kids eventually fall a victim to. Sometimes I stop to wonder who the promiscuous and loose kids and scoundrels of yesterday were when most of our folks claim they lived perfect.
Children don't need perfect parents trying to drill - with lies and chains - perfection into their imperfect souls; kids don't need no angel! Kids need imperfect folks who understand those obstacles they are facing. They need parents who are ready and willing to help them overcome those obstacles with guidance and counselling from similar experiences they'd faced, yes, 'cause they too were there at some point in their lives!
We like this that are doing anyhow today, shea we'd play and act perfect tomorrow when we also have kids? Perverts, liars, thieves, drug addicts, smokers, porn addicts, masturbators, drug dealers, sexual caregivers, cyber whores...whatever we are today, our kids deserve, and are entitled to learning from our bank of experiences. You never can tell how wealthy they'd get wisdom-wise from learning from our shortcomings.
I am so gon' tell my kids stories of how bad my grades got at some point from unseriousness, how hard it was dealing with sexual perversion, how stuck I was on living street and immoral and sometimes amoral but hardly moral, well, for the sheer reason that's who I am today. It'd be okay to hear and laugh at the nonsenses they catch themselves doing 'cause I myself was there. Why lie to gullible kids I could help grow into a toughness that'd come with baring my experiences and helping them avoid such?
I'm back from work and my son is digging into a girl with the smell of hard substances hanging in the air? I'd let him finish, then go on to give a talk of this nature,
" Son, wasn't there a better stadium for your match than my house? Be sure to not score a goal else you're taking responsibility for that baby. Plus, play safe too!"
(Lights one of his spliffs or pops any of his pills if need be)
"BTW, you'd better not continue on this substance if you ever wanna stop. Easier started than stopped boy, I've been there. Old Man had a tough time with all of these stuff,you might not wanna end up like him."
There's a card of Postinor 2 in my daughter's room and porn magazines and a letter thanking her for the last blow job she gave?
"What you're doing isn't new to the world, but what's gon' be new to you is ending up pregnant from a seed that may just not flush out, and ending up being tagged a whore. Those boys treating you like an angel 'cause you're treating them right would turn demons if things go wrong, this is from Daddy who was once a boy to you baby."
(Stepping out)
"Hey, you don't need porn magazines when you could have just a boyfriend you're sure loves you too. Plus, use a condom always. STDs are real!"
Why shout them down when I know how hard desires of any kind are? Few things hurt children like realizing at some point the very folks shaming and going all-tough on them were once - and may still be - not different from them trust me. There's also this deep hurt from being in light of the fact these 'perfect' parents of ours don't even listen to their children but take sides with outsiders in the event of problems and conflicts arising. Whatever happened to trusting and hearing kids out! So much for being an African child!
No child is a devil, just like no parent is an angel. I'd try my best to give my children as much freedom as they deserve, I'd give them wheels to explore the world on. Sure an advice here or there is important, but so is allowing them learn from experiences. Too much imprisonment at home is why we have lots of adults by age yet children by reasoning. Decent freedom makes adults from even kids. Allow those kids party. Allow them mingle with kids their age. They deserve they grow through those stages with their peers until they can laugh about their stupidity!
Parenting in Africa is nearly a lost cause today, but we prospective parents of tomorrow could decide to change with - just a little more sincerity - this course. Give kids freedom whilst being there for them when they bump into an obstacle; kids learn better how to rise after they'd fallen. This conspiracy amongst folks by lying themselves to perfection doesn't necessarily have to spill into our tomorrow, does it? For humanity's sake, WTF made lying to kids a good way of teaching virtues over bitter truths they could as well relate?