You said "I'm fucked in the head, but I love you to death"
as you sat on my chest with your hands on my neck
I glanced in the mirror, my face turning red
I choked in your ear "I wish you were dead."
I brought my knees to my chest in a ball on your bed
as you cried out "I'm sorry!" and kissed my forehead
we drifted to sleep behind cold, wet cheeks
I awoke from a dream and slit your throat in your sleep
As I laughed in the dark and I watched you bleed,
I got a thought in my head that I failed to see.
You're of no use to me if you no longer breathe.
So I pulled out my kit, and I started to stitch
but a needle and thread couldn't save you, bitch
And you said, "I'm not one to beg,
but I love you to death!"
as you dropped to your knees, with your head on my lap
I reached for your hand,
I said, " You don't understand,
I've done everything I can."
And I sat by your side
I watched you breathe your last time
and I couldn't even cry
I'd bring you back from the dead just to kill you again
My words taste of poison
and I love you to death...
I wrote this about an extremely abusive boyfriend I stayed with for almost two years before finally getting out. He was the most charming person I'd ever met. He'd open my car door with a rose in his hand every time I saw him. I was young and rebellious and he was dark and beautiful all at once. He always said it was me who brought his demons out; that I was his whole world and i destroyed him. He'd never hurt me had I not hurt him first. He was always convinced I was cheating on him when in reality, I never even left his side. I was too afraid to get away, and after every single fight, I stayed; even after I was free, I went back. He was a magnet. He was a narcissist and a fucking psychopath and still, he's been the topic of my writing for so long...
Maybe someday I'll send my poetry to his prison cell. I'll bet it would make his day.
Spoken Word