Come. Rest here, with me, in me.

Dito ka lang, humimbing sa aking piling.

“I’m surprised you haven’t written about him.”, my friend (@debilog) said.

It was a question I didn’t expect. But as I keep thinking about it, I begin to realize that she was right.

Why? Why haven’t I written about him?

Is it because I have no time to write? No. I write as often as I live and breathe.
Have I become unmotivated or uninspired? Well, not really. I mean, if you’ve seen him… :)

So, why?

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Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan

Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan.

This is a popular Filipino saying that means, “If you don’t want it, you’ll always find reasons not to do it. But if you really want it, you will find ways to do it.”, when loosely translated to English.

This is also one of the most-recognized lines in a famous Filipino rockstar’s song.

So, after being reminded of this line, right then and there, I have been slapped with the truth.

I finally realized why I kept refusing to write about him, and this, whatever this is.

I haven’t written about him, not because I have no time or because I am uninspired.
I haven’t been writing about him because, if I started writing about him, whatever I am feeling, whatever this is, would start becoming real.

Time and words are two of the things that I value the most in this world. I don’t give time to just anyone and I don’t write for just anybody. Quality time and words are two of my love languages. I show my love and appreciation to a person through time and words. In the same way, I feel loved when people make time for me, and when words, whether written or spoken, are carefully weaved just for me.

Anything real (friendship, love, knowledge, etc) is worth it. And if anything is worth it for me, I will not hesitate to allot time and conjure words, basically, offer two of the most valuable currencies I could give, if need be.

But, lately, I find myself being afraid when things start to get real.

Because to progress to something real requires taking risks and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And in my experience, taking a risk and being vulnerable have done more harm than good.

I refuse to subject myself to these kinds of complications again. So, nope, count me out.

But, then, I met him. And all of a sudden, I am feeling a bit more brave.

And, well, would you look at that? Here I am, writing. about. him.

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