Logo made by me using canva picture enhanced with AI Deep Dream Generator
Sigh 😥 I don't know why this fear is getting stronger I know I don't have to worry but I worry anyway haha. I work about 10 to 12 hours daily plus getting ready like shower, eat and walk to work add another 1 hour so total around 13 to 14 hours of my time being spent at work.
I've been trying to find something else to do like part time jobs but my legs are not as strong as it used to be I turn to Hive and also trying to lear trading on binance. But so far I only concentrate on hive because I guess it's the safest investment for now. I'm just worried that I do not have enough time to achieve what I wanted to achieve covid has really effected me in so many ways I do not know who I am anymore really. After covid then I lost my brother he's my best friend he's my best buddy he basically my everything when covid hits if he was not there during that time I'm not surprised if I'm not here anymore in this earth.
But he's gone during covid man I still can't accept it actually but what can I do things happen and I know it's better this way so he don't have to suffer from the illness he had while he's still alive I am selfish for wanting him to stay longer but I need to keep reminding myself it's better this way suffering stops when there is no life.
Still not easy to write about him or even think about him. So after he left my goal is just to take care of my family but in order for me to do that I need to straighten myself out after I get this done then when I'm successful in what I do so I can bless my family in return. The reason why is when my brother was sick I was only able to send him to the hospital and get some food for him sometimes most of the time my mum send the food. I only do it when I'm free.
So I want to change that if anything happen to any of my family at least with enough money I can at least give them better healthcare than what my brother had before we just send him from hospital to another to cut cost having cancer is not cheap money become an issue and quite a few chip in but most of the money came from one brother because he's the most successful one but of course it's not fair just because one brother is more successful than the others we all rely on him instead he has his own family as well.
So now I'm here in another country hoping things will change and making things change for myself. I don't know if all my efforts so far been fruitful I don't know how long hive will be here because I'm investing all my time here now and some money has been invested in it as well yeah it does sound too much but where else can a small guy like me invest these days?
Everyday go to a job that basically I have no choice I do not have any other skills I do not have any other talent that I can actually use in the real world. Yea I can play basketball, do some basic boxing or kickboxing but these skills where can I actually make it work? I've been searching for boxing tournament here in the UAE ask more and more people everyday hoping I find one because fighting is my passion I love the sport I'm getting old so I hope I can at least do another 8 years in it and see where it goes.
I don't care if I succeed or fail but at least I can say I did what I wanted to do if I succeeded thats a bonus for me then. If I fail then I have a story to tell of how I fail. There must be something I can do in this world i help a lot of people with their rent, their food sometimes even parents are searching for me to ask for money so they can feed their kids so I give it to them because I'm good at one thing I'm good at saving money and keep my expenses low but I do not know how to invest and get returns. But hive is the only place that I actually have some returns it's actually small but it's still something.
I just reinvest everything I earn back to hive hoping someday I can make a living out of hive I know sounds sad but I like being in hive and I'm addicted to it really. Facebook, Instagram and all the others are just getting so boring to me because whatever you post people will like it at least in hive you need to be careful of what you post like whenever I post something I feel bad if I can't make it interesting for the readers and my friends here in hive to read. Some of my actifit post is boring to be honest because I'm too exhausted after work.
Like right now I'm so exhausted and my calf is cramping due to walk and stand long hours at work I can't sleep its 3.41am now as I write this I need to wake up at 9am so I have time to shower and get ready for work at 11am for my mid shift. I don't know I think I'm just disappointed at myself I have few good people that wanted to help me in business but I was too busy working and ignoring them they actually do not want me to work like how I work now they want me to own my own business and succeed so I can follow my dreams to help others.
That's what I wanna do on a daily basis just wake up help people and go back to sleep that's it. The real plan is the same like I wrote 5 years ago if not mistaken I wrote that I want to get a big land so I can call everyone who is good at planting food so we have a community of people who can grow their own food. Also I saw on YouTube where we can recycle and clean our own water, make our own electricity and so on without outside help or without using money to live on.
That's why I always tell people when I grow old and when I have money I just want to live in the woods and just live my life there till I die it's peaceful if you ever go into the woods hunt your own food shelter yourself so you can sleep on the ground you know what I mean it's peaceful you have to experience this to understand the feeling. It seems so natural to me. Right now I feel like it's so unnatural for us to search for high paying jobs and worry about money 24/7 like I am right now work long hours by the time you're home there is no time left for you to grow because it's time to sleep and grind at work the next day and make your boss richer and richer.
I'm not saying business owners are bad or anything I find that business owners are genius because you see they just keep coming up with ideas we the workers will execute the ideas and make them rich it's genius don't you think? I wish I am one I guess one day I will. Well this was a bunch of random thoughts into this one post I feel better now after I write this feeling sleepy good night then tomorrow Is another work day as usual take care and keep safe everyone don't forget to call your families from time to time see how they doing because you never know when they leave just like how my brother left for good just say whatever you need to say don't wait for the right moment when you think about it just do it.
Good night 🌃
