Forgiveness... Freedom...

I spent my early morning crying about something that has been bothering me for a long time. I sent this to the person I never thought I’d be able to forgive or receive forgiveness from. This was me giving her the ”fighting!” gesture. 😅

I feel free. I’m moving forward. I’m proud of me. I’m still teary-eyed just thinking about what happened. I’ve hated her for so long and kept on holding on to that hate until just now. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I mean, to have that conversation with her. She refused to have that before and it caused me so much pain and hatred. Until just now.

I like getting along with people. I love making them laugh. But having someone who doesn’t like you or you don’t like is one proof of being human. Hating, forgiving, loving, caring, and all sorts of things.

When I was in high school until like 3 years in college, I thought I was incapable of holding a grudge against someone no matter how much they hurt me. But not long ago, I’ve realized maybe I was wrong. Maybe that was me masking my pain, making myself believe I was ok because that’s what I wanted to happen.

2017 was a reall mess for me. I built up a lot of hate and anger and negativity. I was blinded by all that. But I was good at hiding it from other people. I mastered the art of faking a smile that even I cannot distinguish one from the other anymore. Deep down my soul was crying for help. But how can someone see it?

It’s 2018 and I made my vision board. One of my goals this year is to make myself happier. And you know what? This is one of the biggest step I could ever take to get there. Forgiveness.

I didn’t have the intention of showing this to you, but I made a list of my goals this year and I just can’t help but be proud of this! I’m getting better. I just can’t help but share this to my ohana @steemitfamilyph. I want them to see I’m making progress. They’re a huge part of this change and I wanna celebrate it with them.

This just the beginning. I know there are more to come. And I honestly cannot wait for this 2018’s breakthrough! I’m thrilled! I’m excited! I’m claiming it! This is gonna be my great year! ☺️