I’m almost 30. By which I mean, I’ll be 28 in a a little over a week, and that’s closer to 30 than it is to 25. So, I’m almost 30.
But I don’t feel scared, or worried, or anxious about being almost 30. And as a woman, I feel pretty awesome about having escaped the clutches of the marketing world. That isn’t to brag or to say I’m better, it’s merely to say...phewf. Because I generally just don’t want to be living life feeling anxious.
For women especially, aging can be terrifying. Much of women’s value in society stems from youth, beauty, and yes, motherhood.
An aging woman is one that is losing her youth and her beauty, and consequently, her fertility/childbearing years.
To clarify - I do not personally think that women are or should be valued only for these reasons.
Women have so much to offer, and that’s the point.
I rarely make it through a day without some sort of ad for wrinkle cream, or some cosmetic procedure to “be your most beautiful self.” It’s problematic that a naturally aging woman is not considered to be her most beautiful self.
I had a roommate in university who was turning 27. I was 22 at the time. As her 27th birthday approached, she joked that she was officially old, because “men only leave their wives for hot 26-year-olds.” Once you hit 27, it’s game over, and you’re too old for older men. And last year, when I turned 27, the memory of this joke lingered. I wasn’t 26 anymore.
It was a joke, of course, but underneath it all was a fear of leaving youth and beauty behind, a fear of losing value.
So, as I let it sink in that I’m nearly 30, I actually feel excited. It’s not that I want to skip 28 and 29 altogether. I want to embrace each year. But I don’t want to hold on to them as if I could actually stop aging if my grip is tight enough.
I’m excited because I know that in my 30s, I will have collected more memories and life experience. I know that I will know myself better and feel more accomplished. I know this because that’s the path I’m laying out for myself now. My 30s will be the time when my hard work pays off.
Most of my mentors (people I look up to, but who I haven't necessarily met), are in their 30s or older. And many of them didn’t achieve some major goals/accomplishments until their 30s.
So for me, it’s less about holding on to the “good ‘ole days” and living with nostalgia, and more about looking forward to all the new memories I get to make. I can only move forward and have those new experiences with time. And in time, I will age. Aging is just a symptom of the passage of time, and an indicator of how much time you’ve had to have experiences.
But, I imagine aging is much scarier for people living with regrets, or who want something else but are afraid to go after it.
I’m not perfect, but I don’t have regrets and I am actively working towards what I want for myself. So I rest easy and feel content that I haven’t wasted time. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ve made good memories, and I’ve tried to live a good life (the philosophical one, not the consumer one).
Aging just means I’m making progress.
