Fear is one thing that no matter how much we try, there will always be the time when we’re not ready for them. It could be impromptu, and simply catch us off-guard. Other times, it could be slow and steady, building up until one climax where we are powerless against it.
Fear is something that can’t be avoided. No matter how many you get to overcome, something else will come that will be more scary and you’ll have no choice but to fight to overcome them. But that’s just a part of life, it’s how nature was designed. The more we face our fears and overcome them, the more confident we get about our ability to always come out on top.
And as for me, one fear that used to plague me was authority or being given responsibility. From a young age, I was always terrified of being picked out as a leader or something of that nature. I was never in the right state of mind for the responsibilities that came with leading a group of people. I was always scared that I wouldn’t do the right thing and I would disappoint everyone that was counting on me. You’ll be surprised to know that I’m not the only one with this kind of fear, it has nothing to do with being shy, you just simply don’t think that you can handle the responsibility attached, that’s all. This might be weird to you, but that’s how I was back then and I really tried to make sure that I was never seen as leadership material.
In class, I never really stood out. I only answered questions when asked and I tried my best to stay off the teacher’s radars. We all know that back then, the class captains were picked based on intelligence or the teacher’s level of trust in the student. I tried not to show those things and when it was even suggested, I always refused.
That’s how it was for all of my secondary school education. But for some reason, positions of responsibility kept on calling for me. No matter how hard I tried to avoid it, it always found its way back to me. And when I joined CYON in my parish, I finally decided to try my luck. Thanks to my writing, I had a spot in the drama team and pretty soon, I was directing dramas that were acted out in the church during events.
This was not easy, because it forced me to embrace the fact that I was in charge and I had to act like it. Later on, in the same CYON, I was elected as an executive, which I was until I finally got admitted into my school. And with this school, came even more opportunities. I became the vice president of my Presidium in the Legion Of Mary, and in my department, I was a course rep for two lecturers across two semesters. I was good enough that the record of failure in that course was significantly lower when compared to other courses because I made sure that I carried everyone along and ensured they did everything as when due.
Over time, the fear I felt seemed to dissipate. I still feel it even to this day, but I can tell you that I’m no longer scared of positions of authority. I might not actively search for it, but if it finds me, I know very well that I’ll be up to the task.
In all the times I’ve led people, I never clamored for it. I was simply handpicked, it was all handed to me. Who knows, if I had been hungry for that authority I would have achieved so much more in terms of seeking out power. But I guess all that is not my calling.
As I said, I’m not scared of being at the forefront anymore. If it comes to me, I take it on and handle it. Then I move on to the next one.
