The Hardest Goodbye I've Ever Said.

Hey everyone,

So this is a post that I've put off for a long time as it's taken me a long time to build up the courage to talk about and I wasn't sure it would help me. However, after receiving some encouragement from other people on chain that have recently lost a beloved pet I decided now was the time. A special thank you goes out to @bozz as I recalled a conversation I had with him when he sadly lost his dog, that made me think out loud "How the hell can I expect to try and help him through his loss if I won't allow others to do the same for me?"

So...here goes nothing.

My gorgeous golden doodle Baxter had to be taken to the vet and put to sleep on the 25th of June this year. We were informed that he had suffered a stroke the day before and there was nothing we could have done about it. He had been very lethargic the day before but we were unsure why as he had on occasion been under the weather due to having a delicate stomach, sadly it was much more serious than that and his condition worsened rapidly over night. I stayed up with him all night and sat beside his bed, feeding him some blended food by hand and giving him water through a syringe. Some time in the early hours I woke my wife to let her know that I didn't think he was going to improve and we made the hardest decision we've ever had to make.

Unfortunately for us there are no 24 hour vets in our small town so we had to wait for one to open. This was possibly the most helpless I've ever felt but we tried along with our son to comfort him until he could be at peace. After what felt like an eternity the time came for my wife to take him in. Our 15 year old son Ashton decided to go too to support his mum and say goodbye to Baxter, who we bought as a puppy for his birthday 7 years previous. Due to my anxiety disorder I couldn't go with them so I was extremely proud of Ashton for stepping up and helping his mum. Our daughter Lauren was living several hours away in Manchester during her final year of university and couldn't get back home. She was adored above all others by Baxter and found the news really hard to take, however in hindsight I am kind of glad she was away while he was very ill. My wife eventually called and I said my final words to him over speakerphone. Not how I would have wanted it but sometimes life ain't fair I guess.

In the end we couldn't afford the price of a cremation so Baxter was brought back home and buried in our back garden, a place where I spend a lot of my time. Ashton painted a wooden sign and I decorated his grave with some flowers from the garden.

Sorry Everyone

I'm aware that it was a distressing story and I tried not to go in to too much detail. A lot of what happened has been preying on my mind and in a lot of ways I'm glad to be able to write it down and unburden myself to a degree.

Anyway...now to share some awesome photos of one of the most beautiful creatures that I have ever had the privilege to have in my life!

Needless to say our family will miss him immeasurably but he'll always be in our thoughts for all of the love he gave us and his adopted brother Alfie.

Thank you for reading, it really means a lot.

*All photos belong to me and may not be used elsewhere.