Sounds like your life has been one bout of traumatic stress after another. I hope I don't offend you, but have you talked to a therapist about possibly having PTSD? Given your story, I'd recommend it. I worked with vets at a VA hospital and many soldiers I know with PTSD are embracing marijuana to successfully ease some of their pains. Another promising way soldiers have been able to "ghost" some of the gruesome and painful images in their minds is to replace them with different images--believe it or not, repetitive old-school video games like Tetris and Pong help in this regard. (Better for the mind to see building blocks than flying debris, I suppose.) Good luck.