Love, once again, proved its power to give life.
This is my first writing since it began in 2017. My state of health has been affected to the point of not allowing me to perform basic tasks or even get out of bed.
Chemotherapy and the accumulation of treatments in my body hatched early in the year. I kept vomiting, my stomach couldn't tolerate anything solid or liquid and my energy was practically nil...
That's why last Monday (January 2) Raul had to take me to the medical guard, where I was hydrated intravenously and lab tests were done.
My oncologist, Dr. Lucas Fernandez, seeing the results of the tests, decided to stop chemotherapy because bilirubin levels are too high (possibly due to treatment), which must surely be affecting liver function.
This week I will be doing new laboratory studies and we will have a slightly clearer idea of how to continue... Whether it be reducing the dose of pills from my current chemotherapy or changing the type of chemotherapy. The important thing is that the treatment is not more toxic and harmful than the disease itself.
In addition to all the physical discomfort and helplessness that comes from being so limited in energy, my mind began to open the doors to those treacherous thoughts that make everything more uphill, denser, more difficult to assimilate...
Fears and uncertainty clouded my eyes towards the future... What now? What to think about? Will I feel this way for the rest of my life? How much time do I have left?
I felt anger, sadness, frustration... I felt fragile, weak, helpless. Getting out of bed to wash or eat something had become a mammoth task... My lack of strength mingled with my lack of courage. I confess, that's how I've been feeling all these days.
But, as I wrote at first, love always comes to the rescue and saves us.
Raúl's dedication has such a great inspirational force that, despite his tiredness and sadness, he has taken me out of that dark place which is so easy to reach, but so difficult to get out...
The amount of beautiful messages sent to me by my family, friends and people who don't even know me, are a sign that love exists and can heal... especially when the soul is so wounded.
Today I feel more energy and I was able to write. I feel that little by little I open my eyes and see a more hopeful light... But, the merit is not mine... not at all. It's all thanks to the love that they transmit, inspire and give me in so many ways.
Although a little late, I want to wish you, more than a happy year, a life full of moments marked by love... Thank you for continuing to accompany me on this path, in my story... It is part of my healing.
Happy Life!
