April is for fools

I've been talking to myself a lot lately but like a fool I haven't been listening. For example the other day I said to myself, Don't go into that bar because they're going to take your money and all you'll get in exchange is beer, but of course I ignored myself and went in and of course I got exactly what I told myself I'd get. If only I'd listened to myself. For another example the other day I said to myself, Don't go into the wilderness with only a quarter tank because you're going to run out of gas before you can make it back out and then you'll have to walk or hitch a ride or worse, but of course once again I ignored myself and of course I ended up kicking myself for not listening to myself and being forced to assault those poor campers and tie them to trees so they wouldn't harass me while I siphoned all the fuel out of the fucking Audi they had no business driving all the way out there in the first place. If only I'd listened to myself when I said to myself Kill them because hell if they weren't some of the rudest people I've ever met in my life. And can you believe the only beer they had in their cooler for me to borrow was Crank Yanker? I swear to god Eddyline's gonna be the death of me yet and regardless of how many times I keep trying to tell myself not to drink it I never seem to listen. Anyway, after I got home from church this morning I opened a Crank Yanker according to the good lord god's command and against my better judgment and got right to editing some of the photos I'd taken while searching for the meaning of life which I've been told some complete asshole went and hid in the Pike National Forest back in the '60s. Unfortunately I didn't find it but I did locate the asshole. If I hadn't ignored myself when I told myself I should probably note the GPS coordinates of the remains and inform the proper authorities then you'd probably be reading entire articles about the occasion on various national media sites instead of just this one single run-on sentence jammed into a huge block of text that not even the government could be bothered to examine and question me about.
But even if they did, it wasn't me and I don't know what I'm talking about at least as far as I know from what I've been told by myself. Were you looking for a nice mellow mainstream blog about how everything you already agree with is right, one you can skim through while listening to some Enya and getting messed up on some IPA on a nice mellow mainstream Sunday afternoon? Well then you're as much of a fool for reading this nonsense as I am for never listening to myself in the first place. Did I just admit to committing a thoughtcrime? I'm not sure but just in case I'll say this—happy belated April Fool's Day everyone.