Growing up, I never pondered the concept of love. In the States, you become conditioned to not pay attention to what words mean to you. Words such as normal, stupid, weird and love are all subjective to the viewer and cannot be defined in such a concrete way. Over the last couple months, I found that love does not touch upon the fulfillment of oneself. I feel that in order to have passionate love for others, it has to start within yourself; only then can it be as profound as our dictionary states.
For nine years, I suffered from a long, depressive identity crisis. Recently, I have found that the root of the issue was from a lack of love for myself. It was very difficult to accept that fact. I had gone through a series of internal battles with myself early on and changed my name because of it. Looking back, it diverted my efforts from the thing I loved to do, which was music: putting myself into a hellish spiral of uncertainty and constant confusion. I would over analyze my lyrics, never feeling confident in my work. I also avoided going outside, socializing and partying for most of my young adult years because it required talking to someone that I felt wouldn't be able to relate with me. What I have found was that my terrible habits of being strong, manly and "to not cry" were doing the most damage to me. It bottled up all my emotions causing me to be more aggressive and blind. If you were a victim or witness of my roller coaster of emotions and are reading this, I am deeply sorry. Nobody should be forced to act a way that doesn't allow you to be who you truly are; resistance prolongs the pain.
I am no doctor and certainly do not have a masters in psychology, but I have some methods that might help you in approaching self appreciation. A good friend of mine once said "do something that scares you, once a day.” This idea compliments another that is "tell a random stranger something nice." By giving, you are brightening someone's day which as a result is making you and the other person feel better. If completed regularly, your outlook will be of a more positive nature. Start to accept yourself for who you are, and look past any sort of insecurities you may have. We all have flaws, but look at them as challenges to improve upon instead of being upset about them. Meditation can be a very helpful method because it allows you to relax and to address any issues that you may have. Being sad is just one of many temporary feelings. By being trapped in it, it will only make you miss greater opportunities.
Happiness comes in many shapes and sizes. For me, it was pursuing my dreams. We all have something to achieve in life. A positive attitude fueled by love can resonate across the airwaves. Spread the love you have to every corridor of the world. Like karma, you will be rewarded tremendously and will be living for every moment connected, fulfilled, and worry free.