I will apologize straight away, this post is going to be a lot of text.

For a little background, our cable TV bill went up an additional $10 a month recently. We have Spectrum and like many of the other telecom monopolies they screw everyone over daily.

I am sure people outside of the US would be horrified at the $181/month price we pay for two cable boxes and high speed Internet service. Heck, even if you do live in the US, you should still be horrified.

So here is my recent conversation (I am in italics) with them (it starts with me talking to an automated service):

Welcome! What can we help you with today?

Why is my bill so high?

Your statement provides an overview of your billing history. Your charges may vary monthly based on your data plan, the devices you use, any changes made to your service, and any remaining balance from a previous bill.
Is there anything else we can help you with?

My question has not been answered

All of our agents are currently assisting other customers. We can connect you with an agent or you can ask another question.
Estimated wait less than5 minutes

I'd like to wait for an agent

Great, someone will be with you shortly.
You're connected with Anthony W
Thank you for chatting with Spectrum! My name is Anthony While I review your previous chat
history, may I have your full name and full address please?

xxxxxxxx

I need the full address please.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you. One moment while I pull up your account.
The adjustments reflect increased programming fees from suppliers as well as the overall cost of doing business. Our packages are designed to provide you with quality programming at a great value. If the package or service you currently have doesn't fit your budget or your needs, let's see if we can work together so we can find the one that will.

I am pretty sure I have the lowest package available. It looks like if I was a new customer my bill would be like $42 less per month though.
Seems kind of crappy :P

We can offer you 10.00 off for 12 months

That really just puts me back where I was last month.
$40 would be better.

I wish there was more that I could do

I have a feeling you say that to everyone. Actually all of you probably say that to everyone, so why doesn't the management do something about it?

Our services are competitively priced and we feel that the prices are still very fair considering the rates, channel packaging, and service features that we provide.

Well Spectrum feels that way, you don't because you said you wished there was more you can do.
how about $30 off per month?
I am a flexible guy

I am not able to offer that per month, I apologize.

Spectrum employees a lot of people where I live, I can respect that
Which is why I am willing to accept $25 off per month

Please hold.
We can only offer you 10.00 off for 12 months

Did you ask them three times?
I have heard that you need to hear no three times before they really mean it

I have reviewed this and that is all we can offer at this time is 10.00 off a month.

Man, you kind of have me over the couch arm here then.
Okay let's say I take the $10 off but I also want to get rid of my non DVR box. Can you guys send me a shipping box to send that back to you and take that $7.99 off my bill

Yes I can mail you a box and I will get the 10.00 off

Okay, and then the $7.99 will come off my bill once you receive the box back?

Correct!
You will receive it within 3-5 business days.

Yeah, lets do that.

Great!

So Spectrum must really make more money off attracting new customers than retaining old ones huh?

I cannot say.
Promotional pricing is a marketing tool used by most service providers operating in the US. The lower price allows new customers to make the switch or add a service without sacrificing so much in order to have the opportunity to sample the service before paying the full price.

Oh, see, now that was a canned response
You are just copying and pasting now.
I really feel more used than my aunt Sally right now, she has been married a lot

I am sorry that you feel that way.

See, I don't think you are
But you probably don't get paid enough to really feel bad about it.
Are you guys unionized?
You should think about it
I mean if you are really unhappy that you aren't able to give customers the service you think they deserve

Unfortunately I am unable to discuss that information, do you have any further questions for me?

I really feel like you wanted to give me the $40 off if you could.
Are you in China or North Korea? Like will they kill you if you discuss it with me?
I don't want you to die
I was just asking a question.

Thank you for your concern, But I am In Kentucky and we aren't able to discuss that information as it doesn't pertain to our business.
Do you have any further questions, xxxxx?

My sister used to live in Wilmore Kentucky nice place. Can you just remind me what you are going to do for me today so I can make sure we are on the same page? Then I will leave you alone

Oh Nice, I have sent you your return box for the DVR and I have applied the 10.00 off for 12 months.

No, not the DVR.
I am keeping the DVR box
I want to send back my standard box
My wife would freak if we lost our DVR service

It is a empty box for returns. It doesn't specifically state DVR

Oh, okay
Perfect

No problem. Do you have any further questions, xxxx?

Alright, sounds good. Thanks for trying
Nope I am set
Go Wildcats

That's the right attitude!!
Thank you for working with me today. A survey will appear once this chat is ended, on MY performance only. I really appreciate your feedback.
Thank you, have a great day!
Your chat has ended

There you have it. Once again they basically made me feel good about eating my own crap. If I didn't watch so many live sports I would seriously cut the cord...