Hello, hello beautiful, lovely people.
These days, as you've read in my previous stories, I have a bit of a struggle missing my mom. Sometimes I wish she was here with me! I remember every valuable lesson that she taught me about kindness, integrity, consistency, and compassion. (Which are my strengths now.) She always helped me nudge in the right direction, and find happiness. Growing and watching how her strength and softness coexist allowed me to understand acceptance, patience, perseverance better, and later on, it had given me the toughness to overcome obstacles on my own as a woman when life kicked in hard (#lessonslearned). Probably her arranged marriage left me with trauma too, and I don't want a wedding and any other stuff that an ordinary woman dreams off. I think that we can ideally live with someone without signing a ridiculous paper that "bonds" you forever. It doesn't! So no fancy dress, no hall, and no husband for me. I don't want to be alone and lonely, but I do want to feel safe and secure next to a man. I search for someone who'll complete me, cherish me, and who'll take away my loneliness. A man who's aware that promises are more than spoken words. I'm not looking for a fairy tale, but I'm still hoping to find Mr. Right with whom I'll share all my love, my time and companionship without being again disappointed that I've picked the wrong one. I'm not giving up until I'll bump into the man with whom I'll feel deeply connected and with whom I'll continuously have plenty to share too. He doesn't have to buy me things or do anything extravagant (but if he has the possibility and financial resources to do it, he has to:) because there are more important matters than this. All he has to do is listen when I open my soul to him and show me he cares. I need a gentleman who knows how to respect and appreciate a woman for her value, not her body.
I had beautiful relationships in the past with men who truly loved me and showed me affection, but I haven't trusted them enough to tell them the complete truth about my life, nor my secrets. In my way, I've loved each and one of them. I've appreciated all that they've done for me, but it wasn't enough. I needed to be myself around them without being afraid to ruin something good that I've built, and I couldn't. I saw how they were entirely pleased with the little I gave them, but without asking for more of the real me. I realize I'm the only person I can depend on, and it ain't easy. I was the one ending all my relationships but nicely. I'm still friend with almost all of my ex-boyfriends. I choose to believe that every relationship, given the right direction, should somehow succeed... even though sometimes, no matter how hard I've tried, it just didn't work out.
Someone who's capable of creating a long-lasting relationship based on trust, friendship, and love, can listen without judging, and turn to one another for support. Just be yourself. Be honest and fearless when it comes to what you truly desire. Learn how to love yourself, and don't hold back. Know the truth about your worth, and never let anyone tell you that you are not worthy enough. The courage is within us, and we are capable of significant progress. Instead of allowing people who we love to abuse us and tear us down, remember that we have other options too...
Nobody's perfect, and we all have dark, cruel thoughts (because of our insecurities, jealousy, grief, etc.), but never allow anyone to make you feel like you're a failure.
Your identity is not found in your mistakes, and you are not defined by the choices you make.
Let your instincts guide you, ladies. Don't let your doubts overcome your goodness.
Stay strong and focus. Luv, M.
