As one who has followed your stories for a long while...I still don't know how to absorb your current reality...your sharings always had so much energy with the way you lived life everyday....your plantings were amazing and you seemed to attack each day with an incredible gusto inner reserve...You showed amazing strength with all your husband's recent health issues....It is such a mystery how we can have such extreme ways of handling life at times and I hope this cry of desperation is able to tap into that inner courage you do have to blanket yourself with the love and will you deserve. Its time to give to yourself all you seem to give to others....