MEMPHIS, TN – During Dr. Jennifer Fisher’s lecture on mitochondria, student Candace Anderson decided she needed to find a writing instrument. So right in the middle of the presentation, she decided to

TOLEDO, OH – Yesterday, 17-year-old Ethan Wright purchased 0.002 BTC on Coinbase with his debit card. “I’m predicting it’ll moon” commented Wright. “I might buy a little Ethereum with my Bitcoin as well,

After attempting to open his Capri Sun juice pouch with the appended straw for 20 minutes until it bent and broke, Billy Bartle resorted to using an industrial grade demolition jackhammer to break the

Inspired by the Tide Pod Challenge, teens and young adults have been participating in yet another dangerous activity: washing their clothes with Mister Salty Handi-Snacks. This comes with all sorts of

PLANO, TX – Guests at “Burgers by Burglars”, a community service event where local felons serve hamburgers to young children and their families, reported that while the patties, mustard, pop, and other

NORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest nuclear war between Russia and the United States. When asked about the controversial

SILVERLAKE, CA – A man by the name of Alex Clapper has written an awe-inspiring post on his Facebook wall about how people are addicted to the internet and need to focus on the important things in life.

MILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of the Solar System. “Earth has had an infestation problem the last two-and-a-half million

BURLINGTON, VT – On a trip to check out The Maple Syrup Museum, Vermontian Mariah Bennington was unexpectedly struck with disbelief when she found her Senator on the library computer, grazing over a list

GOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled substance. “I can’t help

PORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual morning walk to the food bowl. However, this was anything but a normal morning for him.

ABBEVILLE, LA – Early Monday morning, 3rd grade math teacher Patrick McCooley loaded up his car with 71 watermelons. “I was writing a word problem for an upcoming test, so I had to buy these to double

BRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between number of Brussels sprouts served

OMAHA, NE – In an unexpected and unfortunate turn of events, the veterinarians from Greenwood Vet Clinic were confronted with a very ill patient at their annual BBQ. Lead Veterinarian Sally Canole commented,

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that the toy included in a McDonald’s Happy Meal is the most nutritionally dense part of the meal. Christopher Tracy, one of the study

CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next Macbook