Blowing Off Some Steam

Today is one of those days that I can't wait for it to be over. I have my first day off in a week tomorrow and I am looking forward to having a day to myself. I might get a massage, get a haircut so I don't scare the general public, go see a movie, enter @themarkymark's Writing Prompt Contest, do some internet stuff I have been meaning to do for a while, bang out some cleaning, and groom the dogs. I love the bonding experience of doing that with the pups. I always snap a few pics and talk to them and I feel as though it is "our time". Another plus is Bindi is getting a bit stinky, so it'll aid in that department as well. But first I have to get through today.

I started the day immediately by putting out a fire that my daughter started...figuratively...not literally. That would be nuts and would make for a better read than this. One thing spiraled into another and boom...just like that, it's a 3 alarm and there is chaos. It's since been controlled and we are cool and calm, but the havoc it wreaked still has me super peeved. It was a totally avoidable situation that blew up into something it should have never had the chance to become in the first place.

The end result is I lost my cool at my daughter. I never yell at her the way I did early this morning. Literally never. I was so pissed off and disappointed and in all honesty, had every right to be. Even afterwards once cooler heads prevailed, she admitted so and apologized for overreacting and misconstruing the situation. She explained herself, we both said our peace, and moved on. I just hate that I lost my cool. That is totally on me and as the adult in the situation, I should have handled my dissatisfaction in a more mature and productive way than just laying into her loudly. I did apologize to her for my hissy fit and we hugged it out. All is well in the household as of the moment but it doesn't make me feel any less hurt by what she did and less disappointed in myself for letting it get the best of me.

I feel as though I am a good parent. Of course I always have room to improve on and am always learning, but overall I am fairly confident in my abilities to connect and share with the kids. To be fair and impartial. It was both a blessing and a challenge to come into their lives just over 6 years ago and learn the ropes of parenting on the fly but here I am today...getting by decently I feel. I have a totally open relationship with the kids. We laugh every single day together and I am extremely laid back and give in to them 99.9% of the time. The reason I do is they are good kids and their requests are usually reasonable and for the most part doable. I thought my daughter and I had a super close relationship but it seems that I can't take things at face value. That I am still totally clueless and in the dark about this parenting this. That is a totally overwhelming and sobering feeling and I have a new situation thrown onto the ever growing trash river of issues that I've been wading through for a bit.

I loathe the fact that I am not only disappointed and hurt by the events of today but am disappointed in myself for reacting with the sternest voice I have displayed in ages while steam spewed from the ears. Justified or not, I should have been cool, calm, and collected and yet I was none of those. I still have a world to learn about this it seems...

Blewitt