It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since I lost my sweet boy Kitano. 365 days ago, I made the toughest decision of my life for the second time...and for the second time I said goodbye to one of my boys forever. Technically the time was 8 pm so I’m still about 10 hours early. Yeah, I remember every detail. How could I not?!
Kitano or Tano as we called him most often, was my 3rd pup in my pack after Bandit and Bindi. Maya followed Tano a couple of years later. My girls are still by my side thankfully but both of my boys have since left this world.
He was Malamute with a dash of Timberwolf and he was by far the sweetest pup of the pack. He was my little heart and after Bandit passed, he really stepped up to help fill that big void that was left.
When we got him in 2005, he was very ill and we honestly thought we were just providing a quality life for this angel for a short time. Well he overcame what was a sure to be death sentence if we didn’t snatch him up...then overcame a stroke at 5 years old that should have had him immobilized for the rest of his life. It didn’t. He triumphed and was an inspiration. You’d never know he suffered these multiple life impediments.
Then came the big C. That dreaded word that nobody ever wants to hear. From when he was diagnosed to the time he took his last breath, it was about a year. God...I would give anything to have any other day with this guy.
He was the most playful pup. Always making us laugh. I would come into the house some days and he would be the first pup to greet me. So happy was his perfect face. I would get down and the ground and he would cover my entire head in kisses with his big dopey tongue as the others just crowded around and tried to sneak a kiss in. Literally...my eyes, cheeks, hair, ears...I’d be laughing and he would just go faster and get more excited. Once in a while as I was laughing he’d slip it in my mouth which was disgusting and hilarious. It’s like he tried to do that the little fucker. My wife thought I was gross and crazy but I cherished every second of these moments.
Funny thing is...you don’t know the last time those moments are going to happen. That’s the strange part about life. One minute you are happy with your pack fully intact.
The next...you are down 2 in the party, and you just stand out here helplessly watching the others get older. Hell, Bindi at almost 16 is defying odds daily and while she’s doing amazing, I’m under no illusions that this will last forever. It kills me to know that I’ll have to relive, replay, re-feel the worst moment of my life 2 more times. That’s fucking brutal to comprehend and I sometimes can’t escape that morbid thought. Even when things are good.
There I go again. In my own head. The one prison I can never escape is me.
Anyway, back to Tano. I don’t want to get too down right now. I had to step away for a few because I broke down in hysterics. It’s been a while since I had sad snot bubbles poppin but I think I needed it weirdly. Sometimes lately I feel like I’ve blocked a part of them out as to not let their absence consume me. I’m sure this day will be an up and down roller coaster, but I’m going to try to honor him by thinking fondly of our time together. I’ll take the girls to the park in a bit and imagine he and his brother are with us. They helped shape me into who I am today so I guess they are and always will he with me. I’ll try and take some comfort in that today.
So please, I ask you to raise your glass at some point in time today to Tano. I want him to feel such an unbelievable amount of love today from around the globe. This world has gone 365 days without him and that...is just too big a price to pay. This world needed a Tano. The amount of pure love that was contained inside this perfect boy is a tremendous loss. We need more Tano’s. Go and find your Tano if you have not already and if you do have one...cherish it with every ounce of your being.
Love you always boy. Thank you for every second of pure perfection that you shared with me.
