This actually happened to my family this week so it is as true as my last post about my enemy crows having me under 24 hour surveillance.
My little boy had the sniffles earlier in the week. His older sister then contracted the sniffles and then my wife got the cold and I got it thereafter. All in the space of a couple of days. There was an outbreak of Covid in my wife's lab in works so we were thinking that this sniffle may be something more.
"Fetch the thermometer I said." which was the first step before having to swob my nose and throat.
The little man was first. He measured 39 degrees. Then the wife,
38.5, the little one, 39 degrees and then muggings here measured a whooping 40.5 degrees. Medical science had me in the very high fever territory and that I was burning up but I felt fine. I even walked the dog and went for a run. Later that day I took a Covid test and it came back negative. We did another round of temperature tests and we were all the same. The wife was worried sick and we kept the oldest child out of school which meant the heads were melted with a bored 6 year old.
She rang a doctor for the kids over a Zoom call and gave us medication to bring down their temperature. So the kids were fine anyway.
I isolated as much as I could in work. Tuesday was the same. Negative but measuring 39.8. Wednesday 40.6 , Thursday 40.1. Friday I was still 40 degrees. Ah here I said to my wife, when is this going to end. I had the sniffles and a sneeze but I was fine.
The little ones birthday was Saturday day so we cancelled the party just in case. I had Elvis tribute on the Saturday and I had to cancel that as well. My weekend was ruined really as this high temperature still persisted. But I was still fine.
But something was not right. I googled a 40 degree temperature and google told me I should be in hospital if I did not seek medical attention immediately.
Wait a minute, something is up here. This can't be right. I demand a second opinion. I went to the pharmacy to buy a mercury thermometer. Nothing beats under the tongue or up the bum. But it is worth buying the two mercury thermometers just in case you get them mixed up.
"We are not allowed to sell those anymore," said the woke pharmacist who is afraid of a bit of mercury. 🙄.
So I went to the only place that would have them. The mother's house. She knew the family were measuring high after the spate of cancellations. When she produced the thermometer I immediately stuck it under my tongue. I decided not the bum one this time around.
I MEASURED 36.
DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Token Comedyopenmic pantomine GIF
I sped home and the car screeched in the driveway. I measured the kids and wife and they were all normal.
A whole week isolating for nothing.
So why was the thermometer measuring high?? I had a look. Everything looked fine so I changed the batteries. Took a temp and I was measuring normal. FML
My wife who was sick with the worry all week was now sick with the anger over being worried about nothing all week. A weird emotional that does not have any word in any language to describe. She too had put all her faith in our digital thermometer. Best to give her some time to anticlimax from the worry. Advanced strategy dictated that one should give her something new to worry about, a smaller problem, to take the edge off and not die of shock, like a school trip coming up or an engine light appearing in one of the cars. But I said I best leave her be as one of her eyes was twitching.
But why is it that the bloody thing measures higher when the batteries are wasting is and always will remain a mystery. Wouldn't it be better if it shows up lower as people would know that is wrong if you are colder than a dead person.
The whole week was wiped out over a digital thermometer. I twitched the curtains and had a look out. One of the surveillance crows was staring back at me. I squinted with hatred back at old Greybreast the crow as he peered back at me with his soulless eyes. There was a sort of smile on his long yellow beak. He could sense the family were weak. Were the crows behind this high jinks or was it a case that I just needed to change the batteries of the digital thermometer more than once every decade?? I am still at odds about it. If I was a betting man it would be to blame the bloody crows.
First thing was first. Grab the oldest and kick her ass back into school for some peace and quiet. In a year from now we will laugh at such folie but for now let us never speak of this week again.
