High and Low Self-esteem
Research has shown key differences between individuals with high and low self-esteem. For example, people with high self-esteem focus on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem focus on not making mistakes in life.
Low self-esteem has been shown to be correlated with a number of negative outcomes, such as depression (Silverstone, & Salsali, 2003).
Rosenberg, & Owen (2001) offer the following description of low self-esteem people based on empirical research. People with low self-esteem are more troubled by failure and tend to exaggerate events as being negative. For example, they often interpret non critical comments as critical. They are more likely to experience social anxiety and low levels of interpersonal confidence. This in turn makes social interaction with others difficult as they feel "awkward, shy, conspicuous, and unable to adequately express themselves when interacting with others" (p. 409). Furthermore, low self-esteem individuals tend to be pessimistic towards people and groups within society.
Research has also shown that low self-esteem has to linked to an increased risk of teenage pregnancy.
list characteristics that best describe students with low self-esteem. Over 1000 words were used and the most common are listed below:
Withdrawn/shy/quiet
Insecure
Underachieving
Negative (attitude)
Unhappy
Socially inept
Angry/hostile
Unmotivated
Depressed
Dependent/follower
Poor self-image
Non-risk-taker
Lacks elf-confidence
Poor communication
Acts out
10 Habits of Low Self-Esteem People
People with low self-esteem have certain bad habits in common. By avoiding to fall into the same habits, you can optimize your chances for keeping your self-esteem high.
1. People with low self-esteem miss opportunities that arise in their lives. Because they are afraid of failure, they don't dare to take risks. If you don't dare to take risks and step out of your comfort zone, you will also miss out on many opportunities that arise.
2. People who have low self-esteem are jealous. Because they expect others to feel about them in the same negative way as they feel about themselves, they cannot believe that anyone can truly love them. Consequently, they always expect to be dumped by their partners, and in order to avoid this from happening they keep their eyes open for signs that it is indeed about to happen. As a result they are overly suspicious whenever their partners spend time with people of the opposite sex or behave in ways that can be interpreted as that they do not love their low self-esteem partners.
3. People with low self-esteem are anxious. Low self-esteem people are worried that their colleagues and friends will one day discover who they really are. They don't dare to be themselves, and because they are pretending to be somebody they are not, they are constantly anxious that their true nature with be found out.
4. People with low self-esteem try to defend themselves. For example, many low self-esteem individuals react in a very aggressive way whenever they receive negative feedback. Because they don't feel good enough they try to lift themselves up by pressing others down. It may go as far as blaming others for mistakes that they are responsible for.
5. People who have a low self-esteem back-talk. In an (often unconscious) attempt to make themselves look better, people with low self-esteem talk negatively about others behind their back. This has negative consequences, not only for the person who was spoken about, but also for the listeners and the speaker.
6. People with low self-esteem are experts at finding faults in others. Low self-esteem people feel better when they can see faults in the people around them. Therefore, they are experts at finding negative qualities in others. By looking for and finding faults in others, their liking of these people decrease. People with low self-esteem like other people less than people with high self-esteem
7. People with a low self-esteem have unhealthy lifestyles. In order to take good care of your health, you need to believe that you are important enough to be taken care of. People with low self-esteem don't feel important and therefore don't see any point in taking care of their health.
8. People with low self-esteem listen to media with negative messages. Rather than brainwashing themselves with positive messages, people who have low self-esteem watch soap operas and films that make them feel like they are not good enough, read magazines that let them know that everyone else is better-looking and lead more exciting lives, and listen to sad love songs about loneliness.
9. People with low self-esteem are bad at saying no. When they are asked for favours that they don't actually want to do, people with a low self-esteem find it extremely difficult to day no. Rather than risking that the other person would start to dislike them, they instead take on more work than they would like to do. As a result, they often end up spending their lives working to please others rather than doing things for their own sake.
10.P eople with low self-esteem don't take enough time for themselves. Because they constantly want to please others, people with low self-esteem rarely take enough time on doing things that they enjoy doing or that increase their well-being. By doing this, they unfortunately both send themselves the message that they are not important enough, and they don't develop their self-awareness.
The signs of low self esteem - low self confidence can show itself in some or all of these situations:
feeling unconfident in social situations
being passed-over for promotion at work
not sticking at projects or studies
not trying-out new hobbies, interests or sports
creating frequent problems in close relationships
accepting an uncomfortable home-life
not looking after health
spending unwisely on unnecessary items
allowing abusive behaviour
Tips to improve low self esteem
Low self-esteem is a condition that plagues many people all over the world, and occurs when a person has a poor opinion of himself. While it is very difficult to pinpoint an exact number of how many people struggle with a low self-image, there are several signs that are associated with this problem. It is also possible that someone may be struggling with low self-esteem and is not aware of it. By making ourselves aware of some of the common low self-esteem signs, we will be able to identify a person suffering with low self-esteem which will allow us to find ways to help that person.
Low self-esteem signs range from those shown externally, and those that are battled internally. We are going to start with the external signs. It is common for a person with low self-esteem to appear loud an arrogant because he is always bragging about achievements he has accomplished or the number of things he has experienced throughout his life. Just as one person with low self-esteem can be loud and arrogant, another person with low self-esteem can be very quiet and reserved. These people will generally look for excuses to explain why they aren't able to participate in particular activities.
Another external sign of low self-esteem is someone who is always forceful and argumentative in regards to their opinions and ideas. It is easy to see this person as a "bully," but usually that tough exterior is used to hide the self-doubt that causes his low self-esteem. However, just as one person can be seen as a bully always trying to push people around, another person with low self-esteem can be seen as the complete opposite because she appears to be a "door mat," or someone who is always saying "yes." Generally, a person handling low self-esteem in this manner will also display other signs such as not making eye contact and frequently apologizing.
Above we discussed a few of the external signs of low self-esteem. Now we are going to focus on a few of the internal low self-esteem signs. People battling a low self-image entertain many negative thoughts throughout the day. Such thoughts include "I can't," "I'm not good enough because...," "I'll never be able to achieve something like that," "I'm ugly," etc... The list could go on and on. Other internal signs are when a person constantly replays a past situation and focuses on what he should have done differently. While focusing on past events, people with low self-esteem will also think about possible future events that generally end with a negative outcome.
Above are only a few of the low self-esteem signs that are common in people with a low self-image. Hopefully, the above information will help you identify friends, co-workers or family members who may be suffering from low self-esteem and help them improve their self-image. If you have identified with several of the signs listed above, please don't hesitate to talk to someone and get help.
Ravi Kumar is a Senior Executive in a Fortune 1000 company turned into an internet marketer, business coach and leadership development expert. After steadily and successfully climbing corporate ladder for 15 years, he realized that Success (which is defined mostly by external measures) alone is not nearly enough. There is another dimension called Fulfillment (which is defined by internal measures). Fulfillment mostly comes from making a difference in this world. Ravi is very passionate and truly committed to making a difference in lives of those he comes in contact with everyday.
Exchanging Low Self-Esteem for High Self-Esteem
The first step in improving your self esteem has to be within. You must be determined to improve this situation and be willing to take the steps necessary to begin improving this situation. You must also accept the fact that self-esteem is something that CAN be raised intentionally.
There is no need for low self-esteem to continue to rule your life. You can take control of your thoughts and change how you perceive yourself.
So, what are some indicators of low self-esteem? See if any of these thoughts continually run through your head.
1. "People don't like me."
2. "I can't do anything right."
3. "I'm ugly."
4. "People don't listen to me."
5. "I'm always saying stupid things"
6. "I always make the wrong decision."
7. "My life is a mess and I can't do anything about it."
Remember, these are only thoughts. In many ways, life is going to GIVE you what YOU believe you deserve. What you THINK your neighbor feels about you is immaterial. What you believe about yourself is what is important.
If you want to exchange your low self-esteem for high self-esteem, you cannot just think about doing it. You have to act, and there's no reason not to start right now. Start by believing that you CAN change all these thoughts and feelings, and that making this change will change who you are and what life has in store for you.
Start with this understanding; everyone things those thoughts at some time or another. If you think those sorts of things in the future, you are not thinking about an ultimate truth. You are simply thinking a thought that is a reaction to some moment in time. Who you are is not determined by that thought.
Here's an example. Let's say I buy a lottery ticket with five numbers. That night, when they draw the winning numbers, the first four numbers are numbers I have. Then they draw the fifth number, but it is not my number. Will I feel disappointment? Of course I will. I lost! Okay, I didn't LOSE; I just wasn't the winner...in that drawing. Does that make me a loser? Of course it doesn't. A mistake you made, or think you made, a snub you got from someone, or think you got, doesn't make you a loser either. Even if you are right and you DID make a mistake or someone DID snub you, that doe not mean that everyone will snub you or that you will always make mistakes.
Just like in the little scenario above, people will often get close to success and then miss the target. In many cases, however, they miss, not because someone drew a different number than the one they wanted, but because they threw away the ticket before the drawing was finished. Many people will throw away their ticket in life's lottery even though they have four of the five numbers needed. They just cannot conceive of having the fifth number be the one they need.
Well, life is NOT a lottery, although there is an element of chance to it. Like a poker game, while all at the table are subject to the laws of chance, a better poker player tends to have more "luck" at the table. One of the skills a good poker player must have, as Kenny Rogers says, is to "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run." A good poker player must also know that just because he or she won or lost the last hand. That has nothing to do with what is going to happen when the cards are shuffled and dealt again.
When we are talking about exchanging low self-esteem for high self-esteem, we are talking about learning when to let go, when to hold on, or when to walk or run away. More importantly, we are talking about the skills needed for the game of life, skills that can be learned and improved. We are also talking about realizing that each individual life event is NOT a definition of who we are.
So many times I have spoken to someone with low self-esteem after something has happened that they have added to their list of disappointments. I find two points about most of these events.
1. The person with low self-esteem may interpret a completely normal or even highly positive event as a failure
2. They focus so completely on the event that they lose sight of who they really are and what they have to offer.
A person with low self esteem will be looking for negative signs in an event, conversation, or activity. Since they are expecting outcomes to be negative, if they cannot see a real negative item, they will either invent one or interpret a positive one as a negative. As an n example, think about someone who believes that I am about to hit them. I may see that they are about to be hit by a bus, and grab for them to pull them to safety. They may see my sudden move as an attack because they are already thinking that that is what they must expect from me. They may jerk away and be hit by the bus because they were already predisposed to interpret what I did in a certain way.
One of the most common experiences I have with people who have low self-esteem is that they look only at the negative experience and use that to judge themselves completely. Often, I have begun to recite a litany of good points about them or valuable things they have done, only to have them brighten up, look at me and say, "That's right! I did do that, didn't I? I didn't think about that."
Low self-esteem is going to originate in the interpretation of a few events as being the definition of who and what you are.
To change from low self-esteem to high self-esteem, you must:
1. Realize that self-esteem, high or low, is a judgment you have made about yourself.
2. Low self-esteem is based on judgments generally made on the spot at a negative moment.
3. Self-esteem CAN be changed, and you are the only one who can change it.
Decide to make the change. Write down all the negative things that are true about you. Don't write down the negative things you THINK about yourself. Write down what is true. Don't say, "People don't like me." That's what you think. Write down, "I insult people when I see them." That is a fact.
Then, write down the positive facts about yourself. "I like people, but they don't like me." is wrong. "I like people" is a fact, and that is what you need to look at.
When your list is done, you will probably find more positive facts than negative, unless you are an ax-murderer or something. This tells you that you are a good person and deserve good from life. Take a look at the negative facts and decide how you can change them. Take a look at the positive items and decide how you can use them to make your life better.
You can exchange low self-esteem for high self-esteem. Quit worrying about how others perceive you. Live your good qualities and revel in the good and wonderful person you are. Take joy in the pleasure you give others, and your self-esteem will shoot through the roof.
