In the previous installment of this I talked about the circumstances leading up to my meeting my birth family for the first time. I also talked some about what it means to me having been adopted. You can find it here. In this post I’m going to try to recreate the feelings and impressions from the actual meeting.
My brother Larry’s fully restored Autocar
I have three siblings, a brother and two sisters along with 11 nephews and nieces. Another brother died in an accident in December 2019. We started texting and emailing in early January. I just can’t express how welcome and loving the family felt to me during this time.
I immediately started planning a trip to meet with them probably in late April or May. Then Covid came to call. We firmed up plans and I tried to pick a time after the original peak of the infection when things would be more ‘open’. We settled on June 28th for our first meeting and started making firm plans.
There was an incredible amount of rollercoaster involved in the planning. Will things be open? Will there be any travel allowed at all? What happens if, what happens when, what about?
So many things we couldn’t know. At some point I just decided to go on faith that this was the absolute right thing to do and go from there.
We planned a three day gathering of the entire family. Friday would be limited to the four siblings and spouses at Julie’s place, Saturday the full family BBQ at Larry’s and Sunday a brunch at Robin’s.
My brother Larry, my sister Julie, my sister Robin and me
Sometime in May one of the girls suggested that I could stay one night at each of their places in order to really get to know them.
I didn’t answer right away. What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t like them? What if they are part of a chainsaw massacre ring? What then?
I had to go back to the faith that this was the right thing. So in for a penny, in for a pound, I said yes, I’d love to spend a night with each.
What have I done? A meeting with people I don’t even know and I can’t even run away? Oh, my.
So now it’s the day, Friday. I spent Thursday night at my brother’s place (the one I know) and he helped jack me up that I was indeed doing the right thing. I wasn’t quite a basket case, but in some ways I wasn’t far from it. I was just flat scared but committed.
I promised photographic proof that I look like someone. My senior year HS football picture and my Grandfather's senior track photo.
I drove into my sister’s drive at precisely the right time after the GPS girl in my phone sent me to the neighbor’s place a half mile away and they pointed out the right address to me.
A lovely place indeed. Set in a field of barley with a beautiful yard and garden. I sure felt comfortable with that setting.
Contact. Introductions and hugs. Not handshakes and ‘hi’ but genuine hugs from each. I relaxed a very small amount.
We sat in a small circle on the lawn, no place to hide at all. Within 10 minutes of my arrival all of their phones pinged. Since it was all of them, they checked. A very close friend had been hit while riding her bicycle and was in serious condition. Very serious, it turns out she would die on Monday.
I told the circle that if they needed to go they should just go. You have to take care of friends and family. A short discussion and they decided that they couldn’t do anything at the hospital and would go if needed, but the friend was unconscious and in surgery. We stayed. We all stayed.
It took about 15 minutes for me to realize that I genuinely liked these people. We not only looked similar but had much in common in the way of interests and even some friends in common.
That’s when the words started failing. Larry said something about ‘my Mom’ and corrected it to “our mom’. Try having a family discussion when you don’t know the families involved. There was a Twilight Zone vibe in the very best of ways. At some point we just realized that we’d do the best we could. By the end of Friday night we knew each other a lot better and that this deal was going to work out.
I spent Friday night at Julie and Hal’s place. When he took me on a tour of his shop I surprised him by telling him where he worked in the 90s. I recognized his pickup that parked outside his place of employment…
I did not realize this was going to run so long. Somehow I thought I could get through all the family in one post. Silly me. There will be one more post in this series and I’m looking forward to it.
Thanks for reading this all the way to the end. I really do appreciate it.
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