You are right. I haven't written a word for publication in 4 months. I just ran completely out of words.
I have to start this with the back story. Have to.
I was adopted at birth with utterly no record of where I actually came from.
People that aren’t adopted never ever think about it, but people that are adopted always have a sense of wonder about their birth parents. For me, it’s never gone away. I have actively looked for my records for over 50 years.
Questions. Always questions.
Why did you give me up?
Do I have any genetic health issues that I should know about?
Is there anyone on this earth that I look like?
Am I actually related to anyone or am I just a one off created in a vacuum?
In 2014 the Washington Legislature passed an ‘Adoptee Rights’ bill. It states that every adoptee has a fundamental right to certain information. In my case that information was my original birth certificate with my mother’s name on it (and essentially nothing else).
I got my birth certificate in October of 2015 and did a relatively thorough investigation of my mother. I found her marriage records, the record of her husband’s death. I was able to find that she’d had 3 children (besides me).
It took several months, but I sent her a letter. It was crafted as carefully as I knew how and expressed my desire to open contact. She never answered. I just presumed that meant that she didn’t want anything to do with me.
My brother had gone through it just prior to me. Since he was adopted through an agency he was able to get an advocate to actually make contact with his mother to see if she wanted to establish contact and her answer was “NO! If my husband knew that I had a baby before I met him he would divorce me!” (After 55 years of marriage)
I just settled into knowing that I was a dirty little secret in her life and let it go.
Black Friday came and one of my news gatherers announced 23andMe’s service as the deal of the day. I jumped at the chance. I figured I could answer some questions.
What if you had the power to explore your DNA?
I explored my DNA with 23andMe. Learn what your DNA has to say about you. Use my link to get 10% off your 23andMe kit!
I spit in the test tube and sent it in. The test was contaminated so I had to do it again. I got the results back on January 1.
I’m German. Almost exclusively with a teeny bit of Danish and an even smaller percentage of English/Irish.
I have a genetic tendency toward type II diabetes. I’m likely to consume more caffeine than average. I really don’t show genetic tendencies toward anything serious.
My closest relative listed was a second cousin. I’m a bit of a math/statistics geek and I was instantly convinced that she was actually my niece. I put in a contact request and shared my profile with her and guess what? She answered!
After a very preliminary contact I told her my story and gave her the maiden name of my mother (her grandmother). I didn’t hear a thing from her and figured I was back to ‘dirty little secret’ status.
I couldn’t have been more mistaken. She took the time to talk to her father and both her aunts. They made the call to welcome me to the family. It only took 3 days.
So. I have a family! I can’t express how that makes me feel.
I have an email circle going with both sisters and the original niece. My brother has been on vacation in Mexico but I expect to hear from him shortly now. We are planning a family gathering in June.
But wait. There’s more! I actually have an uncanny resemblance to my Grandfather. They found a picture of him in high school and it’s astounding to me.
So, now you know why cha cha changes. Amazingly, that’s not all since the first of the year. I’ll write about the rest soon.
I now know that my mother died between the time I got my birth certificate and sent the letter. No wonder she didn't answer!
Thanks for sticking with me through this monster. I appreciate it!
All words are mine, for better or worse. Images are properly sourced from pixabay.
