Sometimes I feel I am not good enough. Been tagged as unreliable on a few occasions by some people. Because of my disease my performance is always in jeopardy. You can't assume that the other party will fully understand or accept this fact. And, that's okay.
Nevertheless, kind words like this are uplifting. It makes me feel my worth. It boosts not just my morals but my spirit. Receiving this messages affirms that despite the inadequacy, I can still fulfill a great job.
There are times I feel undervalued and underpaid.
I know it. But, I'm still thankful for those people who trusted what I can do... what I can only do.
Managing 20+ diseases daily is quite tough as I work and fulfill all my responsibilities ( pasan ang daigdig nyarn).
No joke. It is not easy. It causes disorientation. It triggers lack of focus. It results in major delays. Confusion. Forcing yourself to think, to move, to be creative at your most painful moments, is a challenge. Everytime I overcome it, a feeling of success envelopes me. I am the winner in a battle I only knew.
As years pass by, I learn how to be productive despite my pains. If there is no other way to eradicate it might as well manage and live with it.
Each day is a war zone fighting the devil within saying, " I can't make it. I can't work today. I want to lay down take a long sleep"
I am battling with my own body repeating it's cry, "Hey dude, I am tired. Can we rest".
However, another voice continuously whispers, " You've been here and you made it. You can make it again."
The sounds keep murmuring, whoever wins, I will still put things at risks. Work despite what the body says and feel more pain after or rest and let all the work pile up. This is a situation I face daily. A dilemma I have to deal with time after time.
How I wish there would come a day that I won't choose. How I wish the pain will be gone so I can spread my wings towards excellence like the people I look up to.
But that is not the case. I have to manage things and be productive on my phase. Habits and routines are always disrupted having multiple diseases. Systems are always modified. Yet, I learn and continuously learn to adapt in a seemingly endless adaptation.
Blurry is a good career for someone like me. One thing, I beleive. I will still pursue things that I can do. Upgrade. Learn. Relearn. Unlearn.
Just when I thought I am just a good for nothing... a trying hard PWD forcing to be adept in his chosen field... I encounter these words. I made another person believe in my skills. It's an achievement!
These words made a whole week of work worth it.
For a moment, I was proud of myself (Gujab, RG). Let's hope and do it again tomorrow.
(I know you too experience this. Let me virtually tap your back. Good job and you can do it again tomorrow. )
