Recurring Nightmare

"...and when I die, there will be a part of me waiting 6-feet under. Passing away and reuniting with that would be the warm embrace of death."

Hello there, full-time weekenders!

My recurring dreams suck. I wish they were about getting rich, marrying a model, not having to work anymore but dedicating myself to what I love. Alas, they involve death. So, I have recurring nightmares.

Shocking, I know.

There's one that's been with me since childhood. It is about drowning. I have told before that I almost died twice this way. Not a funny experience. I've always wondered why I'm not afraid of water. Maybe it is an acceptance of what can happen by virtue of not being careful around bodies of water. My guess is that my mom was very pushy with me learning to swim well because of that. Also because we live near the coast. Not knowing how to swim being so close to the sea makes no sense whatsoever.

The second nightmare is a more recent one. I think it started earlier this year. It is about losing an arm. The reason behind the thing changes as dreams shift. Sometimes is helping someone; others, in an accident. The fact remains that I lose it and go nuts about it for sometime until life gets easier and doing stuff with one arm becomes simple.

In one of these dreams a doctor asked me to keep the preserved bone of my left arm. Since it couldn't be reattached in time, I wasn't going to use it. And I remember very well telling this person that I would beat him to a pulp with my fallen arm that having him keep it. Losing the left arm wouldn't be so much of a trouble. I'm right-handed, so I could manage. Some things would be off my list of skills. I wouldn't be able to play musical instruments anymore. And my job as a luthier would get even slower. However, I'd manage.

The dream gets worse when I lose the right one. Then, everything goes downhill since I have to learn to do everything with my other arm. And that's is a slow process.

I just hope something like that never happens.

About what this could mean, your guess is as good as mine. I think it is a matter of perspective. Maybe the thought of losing an arm means to make a choice into one set of skills and being compromised to follow the path. Two arms might mean too many choices. And we all know too many of anything tends to be a problem. I just wish my mind wouldn't be so dire in trying to give me these messages. Where are the times when I used to come out of the fog of thought and tell myself something? I'm a good listener. No need to get violent with the messages.