A man was talking to his best friend about his married life. "You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me, but there's always that doubt.

Do you know Montana? "All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." -- Fran Lebowitz Here’s the thing about lawyers: they don’t write

Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!! The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this

"No matter where you go, there you are..." -- Buckaroo Banzai The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it. -- Winston

Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it. -- James Huneker Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. Drink Canada

McEwan's Rule of Relative Importance: When traveling with a herd of elephants, don't be the first to lie down and rest. Our swords shall play the orators for us. -- Christopher Marlowe The life of a repo

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr. "Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!" -- Bryan Michael

There's always free cheese in a mousetrap. how bout a policy policing policy with a policy for changing the police policing policy Ego sum ens omnipotens.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. -- R. E. Schenk The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. New York's got the

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. If I could stick my pen in my heart, I would spill it all over the stage. Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya, Would you think the boy

Proposed Country & Western Song Titles She Ain't Much to See, but She Looks Good Through the Bottom of a Glass If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, I Wonder Who's I'd Find On You I'm Ashamed to be Here,

What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die? Musical Hairsplitting: The act of classifying music and musicians into pathologically picayune categories: "The Vienna Franks

No animals were injured. Trying to get an education here is like trying to get a drink from a fire hose. A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

Well, my daddy left home when I was three, And he didn't leave much for Ma and me, Just and old guitar an'a empty bottle of booze. Now I don't blame him 'cause he ran and hid, But the meanest thing that

Now's the time to have some big ideas Now's the time to make some firm decisions We saw the Buddha in a bar down south Talking politics and nuclear fission We see him and he's all washed up -- Moving on

It appears that PL/I (and its dialects) is, or will be, the most widely used higher level language for systems programming. -- J. Sammet Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy. -- Hans

Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. -- Stanislaw Lem,

FROM THE DESK OF Dorothy Gale Auntie Em: Hate you. Hate Kansas. Taking the dog. Dorothy "Maybe we should think of this as one perfect week... where we found each other, and loved each other... and

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" I don't like the Dutchman. He's a crocodile. He's sneaky. I don't trust him. -- Jack "Legs"

Shoot me again. Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the