I believe there comes a time in everyone's life when you find yourself staring down a crossroad and you have the opportunity to make a decision that will change everything. What do you choose? Do you take the same old road you've always taken? The safe, familiar road. The predictable road. Or, do you throw caution to the wind and decide on the road less taken? The scary road. The road of uncertainty. As a person who has learned to embrace the chaos, I will always prefer the latter. It can be the most rewarding experience of your life and can give you a memory file full of those "take your breath away" moments. I've certainly had more than I deserve.
Hello! For all intents and purposes, my name is Belle. Some of you already know me from my brief time on Steemit. I've debated with myself if I should approach this with anonymity, but I'm not sure if it's necessary. We'll see how it goes. If I followed you, it's because we've had some type of interaction before, no matter how brief, you probably wouldn't remember me anyway. Of course, I haven't found everyone yet, but I am making my rounds. I was born and raised in the South, right across the river from the city that never closed and was a soup bowl of diversity. The culture was rich, the food was always tasty and the people were always friendly and willing to give a helping hand. I never thought I would leave the south, but then I was standing at my own crossroad, and opted for a journey into the unknown.
When drastic events occur, it gives us an opportunity to step back, and re-evaluate things. You will find that sometimes the events that take place will lend a hand in altering your perception. Not only the way you perceive life, but also how you perceive yourself. I've always had the same story to tell, as the facts don't change. But now, I can tell the story from a podium of growth and experience. I've learned an awful lot about myself on this trip. Things that I probably would have never mentioned a year ago. And yes, the story I want to tell has changed drastically.
I woke up one day and I realized that I didn't recognize that person in the mirror staring back at me. The passions and desires I once had were gone. I lacked motivation to do anything, including taking care of myself. I didn't talk about it, I just pasted on a fake smile, and did the bare minimum to make it to the next day. My inner flame was just about snuffed out completely and I knew why. I've always had a problem, since I was a girl, with confrontation. I avoid it like the plague. I've never been a fighter, I don't ask for help, I'm very stubborn in that way and it has definitely gotten me in trouble. The only thing I think I've ever needed more than anything else, is peace. When I feel like a trapped mouse, spinning on my mousey wheel going nowhere while everything crumbles around me... I don't talk about it. I run. That's my truth.
Now, while raising my one and only child, I stayed put... for a long time and did the right thing. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a mother, but I raised him right and am very proud of the man he's become. He moved out of the house and I fell pretty deep into some kind of depression, which was odd because I don't get depressed. I was always such a happy person. I denied it for a long time but something had to change. I've had a rough go at things, from the beginning it's been blow after blow, tragedy after tragedy. I always managed to see the silver lining, to have hope... I was losing that. I had to leave. In my mind, I had no other choice. I didn't talk about it, I ran.
Our experiences shape who we become. And I am fully aware of the person I am today. I'm not very forthcoming, not face to face. I'm usually not very friendly. I don't always have much to say. I'm not a fan of small talk. I've done things that I'm not proud of in the name of survival. I'm not everyone's cup of whiskey... you either like me, or you don't. And no matter what, I'm okay with all of it. I am who I am and that's all I'll ever be and I love being me. When the day comes for me to meet my maker, the one thing I can't deny... it's been a hell of a ride!
I made that decision to take the road less traveled. My son made the decision to join me. I don't think his protective nature would have allowed him to let me go on this journey alone. We packed up our essentials, and a few choice things that would fit, along with my little furbaby... and we left everything behind. Everything. I didn't know where we were going. I kind of had a plan but it was a very fluid plan. We have no home, we don't have a lot of money and winter is coming... but I am happier than I have ever been.
As I peck away at the keyboard, I am sitting in the loft of a hundred year old church that was remodeled into a home, in the Middle of Nowhere, USA where the winters are harsh, the towns are small, the open spaces are vast and the wind howling at you is a common occurrence. Am I happy here? Without a doubt. And guess what?!? The church is for sale. Have I found my home? I have to try to make this place mine. I don't know how I will pull this off, but things happen sometimes that we can't explain.
I will conclude with this... In my journey, I have learned a very important lesson. I've seen with my own eyes the power of living life projecting love and kindness, and it doesn't cost you a thing. Whatever you send out into the Universe, you get back. I've seen the negative side of this as well and it wasn't pretty and is part of the reason I made the decision to leave. Peace, Love and Happiness. I'm not joking y'all, I really believe the hippies were on to something!
If you're still with me, thank you so much for stopping by and sticking around till the end. I look forward to seeing my old friends again, and hopefully gaining some new ones.
All of the pictures are my own.
One more thing... are botmojis still cool??
