I'm usually a peace loving man, I tend to keep my emotions in check and hardly ever get physical but every now and then, I get pushed to the wall and the only thing left to do is retaliate.
I've been tormented for the past two weeks by a slippery rodent that rejected the olive branch I offered it. I hate the sight of blood and can't stand looking at or touching dead bodies of critters, so I generally just chase them out of my house rather than murder them. This time, I've decided to make an exception.
I'm not mincing words when I say this but I intend to kill his rat bastard in the most gruesome way possible. It started off as a joke but taking the nice guy approach has brought me shit, literally. I knew I was going to kill the bastard yesterday, when I saw rat shit on my laptop charger cable. That's unforgivable, you can do whatever you like,run around, chew on some wood and shit but shit on my stuff? That's pushing it.
There's usually no electricity at night and that's when the little bastard usually sneaks in. I know where it comes in through, so I setup my rechargeable lamp pointing at its usual entrance.
I'll pretend like I'm sleeping when the bastard starts making its usual entrance (its a smart rat) then when it moves around and thinks all is well in paradise, I'll strike, using my weapon of choice to stun it.
weapon of choice
Dazed and barely conscious, I'll take the slizzy bastard to the bathroom where I'll waterboard it until it reveals the location of its colleagues. Thereby putting an end to their tyranny for good.
I'll be travelling in a few days time and the thought of leaving my house for a rat worries me, considering its an unsavory rat that has no respect for health, hygiene, ethics or other people's property. It is therefore imperative that this mission is a success.
Stay tuned to hear about the outcome of the mission. May the force be with you
