You should know that I love You for Your kind words that You have blessed me with many times. I am eternally grateful for that.

Unfortunately though, I should fight for my Life, but I can't any longer. Since Honeyboy passed into the non-physical, my 'own' Life has stopped. The body still keeps going on, but without any ambitions, or desire to move on. I have lost a quarter of my weight and am wilting away from my respiratory illness - the one I had to escape for from the erupting volcano in Hawai'i. I dragged my Kitties with me and as a result, Honeyboy died. There are two amazing Feline Souls that have been with me for twelve years and the two new biggest rascals ever. The concern about what will happen to them consumes me. No proper sleep for years now.
This is not intended to be a complaint, or even worse, some excessive whinery. It is the way it is today and I am aware that The Universe took billions of years and even more events to get me to this point of my Life. On Monday I will cremate my Babyboy. He is still in the freezer compartment after some intense dramas that prevented me from burying him here in my yard.
Maybe his cremation will be a turning point and the tremendous sadness over his departure will ease a little. He was the better part of my own Being. I have hallucinations in which I can clearly see him around me - unable to touch him. Why everything turned into what it is - is beyond my own capacity for understanding. Maybe some things can't be understood at all?

Out of this bottomless sadness arose a sensation that I never experienced before. The one where I realized that my words fail what I care to express. And what I care to express - has been expressed for thousands of years now. It feels wholly ridiculous to write about Being The Universe in a world that only cares for volatile entertainment and a continuation of a path that has no destiny - other than the 'what goes around, comes around' principle.
The constant war mongering, the descent of the Western world into Fascism with shopping priority has made me truly sick. It is as if my non-physical is pulling the plug on my physical Being. Day after day. Hour by hour. An incomprehensible trip that makes me wonder what will happen with all the other folks of my provenance that have it coming the same way, but don't know it yet.
Maybe it is necessary at this time to let go of everything. Of my desire to express what I have found out about The Universe and of the many items on my bucket list. Although I bought a rope for the worst case scenario, I am unable to use it because of my Feline companions. Which might be odd - after all I have wonderful children and a most amazing Granddaughter. But I feel that my Felines would suffer exponentially more that the Human Beings in my Life. They can reason and I am not convinced that Felines are able to. I can see first hand how they are suffering from the loss of their Brother. How much
worse would it be if they lose their majority unconditionally loving Human Being? Here in Uruguay - like in many other countries with the same religion - my Feline aspects of my personality are just 'animals'. They are not considered equal to 'people'. They are inferior. Which in turn hurts me twice as much, as it painfully shows just how confused people can be. With the consequence of tremendous suffering and pain for our Feline companions.
I ask for forgiveness and understanding about our despair. But I never imagined that we would encounter such existential hardship. I am my own canary in my own coalmine. No health insurance, without any funds other than the ones given to me by my parents. Sitting in a 10ºC house without heating. My pneumonia likes that obviously.

Please be assured that I consider the communication with You as the essence of what I have come to do here. To communicate with others. You are these 'others' and it means the world to me.

Thank You for being such a wonderful Human Being.