Depression is more than what we see. There is more to it. It starts so small and then becomes something so big and difficult to pull out from. It is just like Anorexia which is an eating disorder. Anorexia starts small from someone being so scared about their weight to going a day without food and then gradually it builds up to Anorexia which becomes a serious problem.
Depression starts from little things, things as losing interest in people and activities, having sleeping issues, overthinking, and a lot more. These things gradually lead to depression as time goes by. It is quite frustrating most times.
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I have battled with Depression so I know how it feels like and how difficult it gets when trying to pull out. When I see people make drastic decisions like suicide, I know how bad it went for them. It is more like a mental illness that is so difficult to pull out from. Most days you just can’t understand what you are doing. You lose interest in things that you loved before.
In 2021/2022, I battled with severe depression, it affected my sleeping schedule so badly that most times I even got too scared to sleep. Sometimes I will have lots of things to do but then I just couldn’t do any. I was having so many thoughts in my head. I will become moody sometimes and end up crying myself out till I sleep. It wasn’t so easy and I understood that I was getting depressed over the fact that I didn’t know what exactly I was doing.
But it came to a point where I felt there were other reasons I was depressed I was not so certain about them but I knew that every morning when I woke up I had more reasons to be depressed. It was getting so severe because I stayed away from my friends. I didn’t contact any and I was just indoors. I had a loss of appetite and most times I got death thoughts which was scary at a point.
If there is one thing most people are scared to talk about is the fact that they are depressed. They are scared people will make it look like they are making a mountain out of nothing. There was one certain time I told a friend of mine that I felt mentally drained and I was slowly being depressed. She simply ignored me and said I was using that word because I wanted to feel among. This even made me so scared to open up when it became terrible.
Right now, I am no longer depressed. Was it easy getting past that stage? No, it wasn’t. It took me months to finally feel better. It took me months to come out of my dark shell.
When I went back home during this whole depressed time, I had to talk to someone. I didn’t like how everything was making me feel. I had to speak to my mom and she told me to take it easy and with time I will feel better. I started taking a walk and seeing the environment. I tried to step out of my zone whenever it felt like those scary thoughts were flooding my head. I opened myself to fresh air.
It wasn’t an immediate breakthrough but I was able to pull out through baby steps. I tried reconnecting back with people which wasn’t so easy. I tried reading positive books and I am so thankful because my family was there to support me. Staying back at home made things better because I was always surrounded by people.
If there is one thing I would say to people who are depressed currently is that “You can pull out of that web, it’s not so easy but slowly and slowly you could build yourself again”
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