And immediately felt off. I guess you could say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I got myself together and headed down to the kitchen to let Molly outside for her morning business. As she was out there, I caught a glimpse of Peppers cremation remains box, sitting quietly on the mantle. I became overwhelmed with grief and it sort of took me by surprise. The rest of my morning ritual was tattered with tears and sadness.
I hate starting my day out like this, but today it was unavoidable, as if my mind and heart needed this day of sadness in order to reset. I was doing so well for a good while too. As the day progressed, my feelings didn't change much. I got caught up in this and that, work related business and the such, but my mind kept wandering back to thoughts of Pepper in his glory years.
All of the toys Pepper used to play with, still sit in the same spots that he left them before his death. We are not ready to do anything with them, Molly still occasionally sniffs them, and frankly who cares.. there not hurting anyone by staying right there.
I can still picture Pep laying there on the floor after playing a lengthy game of fetch. He was never willing to just give the ball up after he got winded and tired. Nope, he would lay on the floor about 4 feet from you with the ball held firmly in his mouth.
He always had plenty of toys at his disposal. Some years, it seemed like every time someone came to visit us, they would bring a toy for the dogs. On top of that, we would often bring new toys home for them whenever we would buy dog food. The mass of goodness started to overflow and the basket grew over the years, in order to accommodate all of them. He had his favorites such as the skunk, the green fish, the squirrel, the purple pig and a tiny soft blue and white ball (as seen above).
Pepper took to the remnants of an old pink monkey toy that originally belonged to another dog of ours Patches (she also passed away). From a young age he would carry this toy here and there, sucking on the nose of it in a similar way a cat would. As he would suck on it he would kneed your leg with his paws. If he was nervous or sometimes just before bed, he would love to suck on it. We called it his baby, but after it would stink from his saliva, we re named it 'Stinky Baby' . Stinky Baby had to go to bed every night and travel if we left home. It was sort of like a pacifier for him.
So as I wiped my tears this morning, I caught a glimpse of Stinky Baby in the corner of our bedroom. I took a deep breath and put my pants on one leg at a time. I tried not to focus on the memories, because they just hurt too much today. I just wanted him back.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow and the promise of a better day. Will I think of him and get sad? Most certainly I will, but hopefully my emotions will be a bit more settled and I can get through it with out tears. If I had him here now, I would be kissing him like I always did. He would of hated it, but I would have done it all the same.
― Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life
My art work incorporates a wide variety of subject matter, including landscape, seascape, cityscape, and still life images. My works are the product of a continuing process of exploration through which I seek to portray personal and visionary interpretations of my surroundings. My paintings are impressions of places and events from everyday life, an interpretation of my imagination, and personal responses to what I see and feel on a daily basis. More recently I have invested generous amounts of time into my landscape painting. I am surrounded by natural and man made beauty, which inherently presents itself in the tri-state area, and almost demands that I paint it.
Not everything is art. Art is not everything, but it comes close. Art is everywhere and all the time. Art makes you experience the beauty of the world, the people in it, and the places we call home. Art itself is so influential that it can tell stories, show feelings, and express passion or fury. Art exists in addition to language; expression of sensations and thoughts, revealing a way of thinking too subtle and delicate for words.
For me art requires love, honesty and perseverance. In return, it reveals some personal, non-analyzable, and creative untamed passion. For the public, art with its magnificent beauty, improves mood and health and builds better human beings and communities. It engages the intellect, softens the heart, strengthens the soul and frees the spirit.
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If you don't see the piece in either shop, It may still be drying. Let me know and I can upload it as soon as possible to be available. Or you can always make me an offer (in HBD, Hive or any other crypto) in the comments section of this post. If we agree on a price, I will then ship the painting to you. (shipping costs will be determined by your location).
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