It Was A Difficult Weekend ..
I spent most of it being busy .. But the evenings were the most difficult. My wife took a girls trip out of town, leaving me a bachelor for most of the week and the weekend. Work consumed most of my time, but in the evening it was quieter than normal. This especially ran through on the weekend when I stay up a little bit later than normal.
It’s been 40 days since the passing of Molly. It’s amazing how fast time slips away from us. 40 days… I can hardly believe we have been without her for that long. It seems like yesterday that we were making the decision to give her a peaceful goodbye. As I sat in the quietness of the house, by myself, it really hit me. All of the emotions that I felt during the passing of both Molly and pepper, came back to haunt me somewhat. It wasn’t super terrible break down and cry moments, but rather a very depressing, deep breaths, gentle tears, kind of moments.
I spent a good deal of the evening.. on Saturday and Sunday, moving some furniture around and bringing up most of the Christmas decorations. I brought up about a half a dozen Christmas trees; from 13 feet down to 4 feet. Yes, we have a lot of trees! But we enjoy them. it was a little bit more of a hassle getting the 13 footer up without my wife helping, but I did it in small sections and it worked out OK. I think when I take it down though, I will use her help. Lol.**
I didn’t unpack or place out any of the decorations. I just simply brought everything up. This is typically a time when Molly would have a fit. She would get very nervous and want to go outside so she could run clear to the back of the yard to sit and wait for it to end. I didn’t have to worry about that this year, but I couldn’t help to think how sad it was. She wasn’t here to experience it. I know that sounds funny, but it just made me think of her and it made me miss her all that much more, knowing the holidays are around the corner and we won’t be spending time with her.
I piled the boxes of decorations .. in our front, spare room, and our second living room. These rooms are typically empty because we haven’t gotten around to really putting much furniture in them since we moved in. We just don’t use all that space the way we thought we were when we first built the house. But those rooms do come in handy when it comes time to having parties like we will on Christmas Eve.
As I was carrying things up and putting them in their staging place, .. I got to thinking that we really have cleaned up and put away quite a few items of mollies. There’s not much left lying around floor or in the rooms. We still have our little shrine on our kitchen table that has her ashes, some artificial flowers, and a slew of cards from our friends and family sharing their condolences. I thought soon I will have to move these items and find Molly a permanent place closer to her brother.
Again, I became depressed and just stared at the TV for several hours before going to bed. I hate that feeling, but I know it’s something we all have to go through when dealing with loss.
A close friend of ours .. sent us a pillow that they had personally made for us. It’s a Molly when she would lay between her pillows and the couch. How ironic that she is now depicted on a pillow herself. That kind of makes me laugh and feel better. It’s kind of nice actually seeing her face in an area we typically would see her every evening.
Comfort.
Comes in all shapes and sizes…
It’s funny where we find it.
Sometimes in places we least expect.
Like A Pillow
Sorry. No witty poem this time. Also, sorry about the non-poetic style writing. It takes a lot of energy and time to write some of the posts that I do, and it’s not that I don’t care, but I just don’t have hours this time around and wanted to get this out and on the blog. I hope you can forgive me .. lol.