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Tom always knew I had feelings for Mark. I can not lie nor do I think it is fair to not be 100% honest with the person you are married to and fall asleep next to each night. Once he had told me about dreaming and thinking of his ex girlfriend, I figured why he must have been tolerating my love for Mark. He always loved her and not me, so I guess he kind of sympathized with me. He had also cheated on me before we got married, with an Army nurse, which had me always curious about our threesum in the first place. I knew he liked to watch but part of me always believed he wanted to clean his conscious by letting me sleep with someone else.
Realizing more and more that Tom doesn't love me and another deployment only a few months away, I tell Tom that I need some time to think if I can handle all of this any longer. While on his training I tell him I decided to stay with him and that I'd be able to handle another tour. After all, I went through so much hardship already, I kind of wanted to try and make this work, so all of this wasn't for nothing. Especially for our daughter's sake, as I didn't want her to grow up without a dad.
Once he gets back from his training we spend some time together with our daughter and one of his friends that was living with us until he had found a place for himself. He seems very cold towards me and I don't know what is going on. He wanted me to stay with him and now that I told him I will, he keeps pushing me farther and farther away. We have a big fight one night and I sleep in one of our guest rooms. I realize that I can't deal with any of this any longer and walk into the bedroom. He would always get to sleep in our bed when we were fighting, because he earned more money than me. There he was on his laptop not even paying any attention to me. I take off my wedding ring and place it next to him on his night stand. I tell him that I feel that this is what he wants, a divorce, as he is being mean and ice cold towards me. He just looks at me and continues to type on his laptop.
My gut is telling me that something is going on. I didn't know what it was but I had the urge to check his email. I had his password, because I had to check his emails from time to time while he was deployed. I figured now that we will be splitting up he will be changing his email password. So I go downstairs into the living room where our desktop computer was. I log into his email and search for a few minutes, but I find nothing. Then before I log back out I realized that I haven't checked his trash can. And there it was, a love letter to his Highschool sweetheart. I knew right then and there what was going on. I click on the email and start reading it. My heart is jumping out of my chest as I read the most beautiful, poeticly-written letter I have ever read. I am in shock and felt as if I just had died. I can't control myself anymore and I start to scream as it felt as if the devil himself just stuck a serrated knife into my heart.
Continue Part 9
